GekoHawaii
on Lost by Luv2write
21 Apr 2003, 7:17 PM
This is one of your best poems that I have seen. It definitely gets my approval. Nice job.
Jomegan?...
The meter needs a little work...but the idea and rhyme are good.
Umm... Well for starters thanks for the advice. I'm not female tho and This was just free versing ryhme with no focus. I'm glad you think I have potential!!
:)
I've seen you do better. I know this has a deeper message but you could have written it a little differently to portray it in a way that would have been more powerful. My advice is to keep the good idea and try again in a different style.
Again a nice twist...though it does get a little repetitive before you get there...
Hey dickless? the title of the poem is "the game", she posted it on top of a poem i posted last night, and thinkihg that she might be you or Settle fucking with me (because that bazaar song is on the web, and i assumed you might have heard it and were making fun of me and such) that i investigated out of sheer lack of sleep and paranoia, and discovered that indeed princes zoe is not dickless in the way that you are just a normal girl. so yes 11!!!!!!!!!!! LOMG! a sensational comedy. you are barely posh, and hardly comic, but what the hell call 911 spaz.
awe-inspiring (*10*)
That's not a very good idea. UNLESS YOU WERE BEING IRONIC IN WHICH CASE IT IS THE IRONY SENSATION OF THE MILLENNIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOLY SHIT! LOL!! You mean -- the other day, you were mixing a song called 'a bazaar', and then -- get this -- you saw something else with the word 'bazaar' in it?!?!?!?! OMGOMGOMGOMG QUICK CALL STEVE MARTIN AND THE FIRE DEPARTMENT BECAUSE I HAVE JUST BURST INTO FLAME FROM EXCITEMENT AND ALSO IT IS THE COMEDY SENSATION OF THE MILLENNIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Because, I was mixing a song for a friend of mine's reel the other day, and that was the environment in the song 'a bazaar' or where it was taking place (the story) that is.
Bloody vulgar you have no shame you scoundrel.
Wonderful conclusion, it reminded me of the finale of the Shawshank Redemption, did you watch it my dear boy?
8
When I read this I thought my oh my this damsel seems lost between a loyalty to the rhyme scheme and the narrative. My dear experiment with both avoiding each for each poem e.g write a poem purely on rhyme or story not both. You are eager and an aspiring writer with potential but focus is all you need, then really go for the subject matter with your best literary gusto. 6
Magical 8
this should be on the top 15 list, not the bottom 15. at the same time it is truly awful. i give you a 5
Whom ever sings this song must be taking it slow or have some really good diction to thier voice. For a song about being hungover I found it to be a little wordy to tell the truth. I really suggest going over it again and maybe doing a 2nd draft. -7-
Its okay I was just having a bad day.
I see what you mean there are alot of stuff here that doesn't fit the mold(to put it nicely). Its the when is a photo more than a photo question. Sorry for snapping, I shouldn't have and I apologise. o
K
:)
you should rearrange the words to create an all your base parody!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (IM TOTALLY GOBSMACKED)