Bill Z Bub
replying on the photobooth by Bill Z Bub
8 Apr 2003, 3:28 PM
Thanks for the feedback, goode gentlesir. But I decided to try it as London Ontario. I'll see how it goes... I'll slowly revise it, phrase by phrase.
Your welcome.
It's not a bad poem either. Keep it up.
"One waifer thin mint"
How about that instead?
ps. Thanks to everyone who allowed me to get my second award. If it wasn't for you, then, um.... someone else would've complained. Oh well.
THANK YOU KIND SIR!
.vidi vici.
I actually agree with you here. I'm a real twat, but I do it in my own time on my own poems. If people don't find me funny, they can not view my stuff. And if you don't like my comments you can delete them.
(Argh...I'm sober)
Love the first part. Not crazy about the second part. don't like the fat lady. But what the hellmp.
!
Really good!
On first reading, it really flowed, and the images strong.
Good good.
No, it's life-size.
You see, I put my dick on the screen and drew round it.
(And have been banned from my local libery for it)
Absolutely correct!! how astute.
ha ha! lol.
Sounds like the new Mcdonalds jingle, or Yuban coffee song.
We like the moon. the moon is way high in the sky!
this would make a good song lyric, but not as good as the we like the moon song.
It sounds as if you are plunking both the money and the mug the way it is written. Needs a comma to separate into two thoughts or a rewrite. You lifted a casket? Or just opened the door to the booth. Again, sentence structure is confusing. I really like the final stanza. Some of the lines are quite fine, but the build up leaves me wanting a bit more and I think it is tied up somewhere in the grammar at the beginning and just a bit of wandering in the middle. But I like what is being said and the idea behind it (London is fine the way it is. If people do not know London Ontario then screw them - not you though, Z), but I think the entire poem needs to read with the strength of the last stanza.
Queen's Knight to the lost square on the underside of the board, CHICKMOLTE!
Sure right it is. But what is it. Tinkerbell? A bee? Puc? Hmmm. Or just a goofy image. Yes, I think that is it. No wonder half of the images in your poems don't make any sense. especially if you are trying to put words together thinking "of, coll, that sound good" and in reality when put into an image doesn't make sense. This poem is talking about a real context. All the other images follow in that line. So where does a dandelion fairy fit in? You tell me. Think of the image in the context of the poem.
thanx my friend.
KING'S PRAWNE TO KING'S PRAWNE 4
JUMBO SHRIMPE LOSES TO KING PRAWNE
she wanted soft shells
for him, oreganato--
a fingerbowl, please!!
After reading this I longed for gin and an Indian servant boy to serve me rarebit out on the verandah. It captures the very nature of colonialism, and, as such, should be required reading for the "liberated" wogs in Iraq. Top-notch, old boy!