Blindproject217
on and i don't even care by nolan
7 Apr 2003, 10:27 PM
Try last line like this, "As you are killing me, slowly killing my fire." it has a nicer ring to it. -5-
*bang* bang* *ugh!*
See now isn't it just like mommy always said. If you play with it too much.... Hey Your Supposed to be blind not have it fall off wtf?
Thanx I honestly wasn't sure but I'll tweek it.
I think this deserves to be extended a bit. As you say it's about her isolating herself from other humans. Maybe talk about her children/ex-husband/sisters etc? I want to know more about your lady. do you know why she dislikes us so? Could you tell me that? What happened to her? Don't give it away, just give me a little hint, so my imagination can come up with its own scenarios. I think that would work really well with this story.
Apology accepted, that was very genteel of you. In a reciprocal manner i will tweak it to suit my audience (no haugtiness intended). See what you think.
Umm... No No and Since the other two were no No. All though I am fully aware how our poetry moves and we are moved by it(plus I figure there are a million different ways to learn poetry so No I won't claim to know them all or how they are taught). I was saying that Claiming that By reading Kongi's Harvest my Poetry will flow more free is awefully pretentious, No offense to you or the afore mentioned title but its kinda ironic that you talk about words flowing freely but you confined yourself to ryhme. Not to mention the fact that how are you supposed to know the extent of how my poetry flows? I mean it could run rampant and wild for all you know. Mostly I'm just giving you a hard time so relax and calm down a bit. I was also being Pretentious by having not read the book(more Irony) and refuting your claim.
:)
I did like this and I ask That you except my most humble and honest apology for making a light over something you seem to care about very passionatly.
"I know that your pist at everyone with a dick between his legs
But with all my heart I love you and so I beg"
these two lines need to rhyme with -ind as your others. then you'll be fine.
I meant live, not leave. One more question, what do you think my claim is?
Have you read Kongi's Harvest? If you have, do you leave in West Africa? If you do then, do you understand the way our poetry moves or more plainly, how we were taught poetry? If all the answers are no to all the questions, then why do you think the "claim" is "Awefully pretentious?"
Yeah I know but I thought I'd venture into a Vilanelle. Never realise how restrictive it is. But on the techincal side its alright isn't it? Seriously asking to try improving my style and write a half way decent Vilanelle.
Awefully pretentious claim in your fourth stanza other than not bad -7-
Good grief...
That's so sickening you'd make a gay person straight so they don't have to be sexually interested in this poem. Here's 0 for pissing me off in my computer class.
I thought he was a hobbit.
does someone have a pincer so i can pluck out my eyes?
Bob all these losers over here should give Bob a standing ovation.......i mean eveytime i think this is his worst stuff......Bob surprises us.....well done Bob
Hey guys, she's having a major problem with line 4, do have any ideas for it? Suggestions are welcome, just don't insult the writer. Please and thankyou.
wwhy don't these ppl help kids in the hood or somethin......no cats r more important.....
what the hell is this about?