I disagree, Cdcs. Somewhere between the rambling 'Oxywarmonger,' by PAKI, and this oblique haiku is the right length and quality of poem to sum up the war in Iraq. Who on this site is up to writing it? Methinks Zzin or DA.

I thought this would be about Iraq, Brdmn. If the battle is within, what's it over...alcoholism, violent urges, etc., or just the general evil potential within humans? And thanks, Nwb5, for your very cogent comments.

thats some bitter stuff.....i like it tho..

real good stuff....

Yep. Tell me something that all the other schmucks aren't saying. Say it differently. repetitive.

That about sums it up, z.

Nurse, fetch me the clearasil drip, stat! We're losing the patient!

Lame. Super lame. Poorly written, not a poem, bracingly awful treatment of the subject. This thing, not unlike most folks (yourself included) should have beeen aborted long ago.

If it were up to me, I'd have you hung by your own intestines and filled with irate fire ants for this poeme. Seriously, what about this is supposed to be a poem? It's just a bunch of obsessive cliches blocked into paragraphs and liberally seasoned with misspellings. Please go and kill yourself now.

also this is subject matter suicide, delete it, its painful.

waaaayyyyy to long. try starting to write easy, short stuff

Liked what you done with this, it sounds raw and from the heart, that i am sure of. The light my friend is your eyes, open them and you will be found. Think about it. heres a fat number to hug 8

Oh yeah, the vegas thang is all wrong go to Camp David and sell dictionarys to the democrats, do something about George 'Dubya'. I'll pay you.

Being a rhyme obsessive myself I have recently calmed the whole rhyme thing down and gone for imagery. I think ZZinnia has made the one point you should listen too. I think your quite talented but this dont really do anything for me and I blame the 1st line, the rest of its okay but okay isn't what you do normally, is it? (6)

when the fuck will we ever learn? hey ? huh? love is the assassin of happiness espeicially firstlove, love hurts like a pair of brand new shoes, move on, shag her sister regardless of what sex you are.

pimm pull

Thank you for taking the time in commenting on my stuff. This poem needs loads of work, but I am impressed by the passion you show in here, you just need to get it into persective, condense the poem, make it breathe, you are stifling all of that by trying to force too much on the reader. Try again, good luck.

you lose it a bit from : and what hurts, there is repetition, otherwise the sentiment has its heart in the right place 6

shit.

you really should of known. hahahaha!!!!!!!! white sheet. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!