lost in america
replying on Keanu Vs The mystery of life by Shardik
7 Mar 2003, 3:17 PM
I think any critique I give is only an opinion, which is my own and I do believe I have a right to that regardless.
You see writing poetry and reading poetry are quite different. One can not read all poetry from the mind of a poet. It makes you seem starchy, and personally that is something that i consider beneath me, and a bit tiresome and unimaginative. Which funnily enough was what you tried to add to your poetry and failed. like dark angel said in his comment. read that comment again closely, and you will find why i concure.
I am not sure what you are talking about. Sounds more like rambling. But thanks.
Okay, thank you. But I believe you have mistaken the Muslim religion for Hinduism. Bangladesh is 80 percent Muslim. The rest is divided between a hodgepodge of Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism (or the dot head as you call it), among others. Some even tribal. The woman is question is neither of these, although I believe she was raised Lutheran. She teaches for the International American School. Just to give you a heads up. But considering the poem does deal with assumed stereotypes, I will cut you a bit of slack for the dot head comment.
Yeah. I know. Life is weird like that friend. You are a good poet, but you suck at critiquing. No offense fuck face? cheers.
I tried to be nice but you let it go to your head. On further review. You fail! It moves like a snake, but it tastes like chicken. I should send horus over, but that would really make you look bad so. see you later. Dickk
You said I was a good poet? You just called me a fuck face.
lost in america
replying on The deafening silence in the world or something by Bachus
7 Mar 2003, 3:07 PM
I am not sure what this means, but this site is filled with all sorts of friendly folks that cannot seem to take a ranking or any sort of criticism. It is just my opinion. Lighten up and try to avoid the profanity, please. I realsie you are trying to make a political state, but it is rather ineffective and severely tainted by the fact that you rely on Depeche (sp?) Mode to achieve a political counter point.
One problem here. I don't like you or your poem any more. Stuffy dot head shit.
I said you were a good poet. Don't confuse that with you actually knowing what in the fuck you are talking about. You aren't that good friend by a long shot. Sorry, but fact.
Whatever helps you sleep at night fuck face.
Are you stupid? Do you hug serial killers too? Perhaps you should take a long look at the ying~yang symbol. THere is no good without something opposite for it to argue it's case to. This has to be the most ironically pointless poem on the planet. Congradulations.
It is pretty bad when you have to end you work with a quote from a song.
Some good wording, but it suffers a loss of imagery toward the end and the metaphor you implement becomes weak and tired. You might cut down on the heady language and quit telling so much. At least that is what I would do. but it is still decent in some regards.
This sounds like you are actually attempting to write a childish poem.
Pretty pointless and off the mark for a haiku. Sorry.
"Tanging taglay ay pag-asa" likewise i'm sure.
ohh..spin it.?
i was being funny, but give me an example.
you can do better, though.