Robert K Foster
on The Kansas City Chiefs suck by Jeremi B. Handrinos
7 Mar 2003, 7:38 AM
First haiku- 8.5
second - 4.5
average- 6.
5
5
4
what gives?
4
7
6
nice thought, though.
stop playing with your pocket rocket and turn off the all caps. screamer.
the first 4 stanzas grab me. you need a 5th to complete the structure here:
take my hands (or skin, although touch is usually associated immediately with hands) ...
also, i respectfully suggest that your eyes have *not* failed you--they have taken it all in, and more. maybe your legs failed you--bringing you to where you could partake in these visions? maybe your legs failed you by not bearing you away?
your final stanza is weakest. if you'd like some suggestions for reworking the last, i'll gladly send them along.
z
perhaps you are right. good day to you, sirrah.
mad as a hatter
made me think of happy times and booking a holiday 7
btw, thanks for the vote :)
De nada Krad :)
GOD FORBID
hmm so i'm guessing you understood my poem
Read this again, and it improves every time