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on Extra Strength Tylenol by DurtKL
4 Mar 2003, 11:02 AM
you need a colon or the word "were" after "Her symptoms"; i'd recommend the colon, and deleting "Yet," and "So," to tighten it.
your tone changes between "there he fell' and "Is that cocks have no style'. be consistent! also: men's--apostrophe.
line "Cocks are so ugly," is unnecsessary; explicate instead of tell.
first few lines--metaphor is outstanding.
nice one.
why not "life and death--same page"
for proper syllabel count? why break form, without purpose?
wow yer kewl.
was it lean, or did it make you FAT?
explain, please.
is this a fetish of yours? won't you let me in? (i'm not a chap. erg.)
introspection is a wellspring here, sirrah.
howz about a tip for us girls with a limited sexual palette?
you're an omnivore, sweet man. have you tips for the ladies who prefer men?
have you heard of near rhymes, goldfinger? perfect rhyming would have made this more trite, a line it thinly treads now. but has a beat, and you can sure as hell dance to it. and it sticks in your craw, tan one.
it is the way it is because it has a target. it hit that target, dead center. see caducus's comment for confirmation of this.
as an advertising design student, you should realize by now that it doesn't matter if it's perfect, or even if it's good; you--as it's creator--might even think it sucks. what matters is that your client blows his load when he sees it.
and then writes the check.
the money's in the bank. the client's happy.
there are plenty of other poems that i wrote for myself on this site, and there are a few more in the notebook that i need to hit with the chisel before i post them here. rank me on those, monkey boy.
why would you like it present tense? the slide is finished. there's no ebb and flow--he's slid.
is this what you mean?
You create good points, but you use stereotypes which are not needed. And what's really uneccessary is puting usernames at the bottom. Let them deal with their own poetry and you your's. I see you want whats best for the world of poetry, and what's best is letting the creativity of the world flow into one. That way. Poetry can't die. You have talent. Use it for a theme more useful.
THE FILM WAS CRAP BUT THIS IS NOT BAD 6
WHY DO THEY CALL YOU TANHAND? IT BCOZ YOU KEEP FALLING THRU?
this rocks 10
I WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR DAMNATION OF MY WORK, IT SUCKS LIKE A HOOKER AND I NEED CLOSURE ON MY POETRY I THINK I OWE IT TO LITERATURE TO STICK TO ART WHICH I DONT SUCK AT...PLEASE MR POET N KNOW IT, TELL ME TO TORCH THEM
NOT FOR ME BUT ITS POILISHED SO HERES A 6
YEAH YOU SLATE THE LITTLE FUCKWITS
When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I get a substancially bigger tip(no pun intended).
It's worth mentioning that you should never do anyone a favour so great that you cannot think of a way they could repay you.
We're all very good in bed here at poemranker. Take me for example. Amazing. Simply amazing.
Settle's astronaut poem was much better. Bless him. 3.