dmzoacan
on Ad patres el prostitute by <{Baba^Yaga}>
24 Feb 2003, 9:12 PM
IT SUCKS!! ADMIT IT!!
In responses to my comments, you have neglected to write anything about my comments on your poetry. Maybe when you address each feeble point I make I'll stop goading you. If this poem is such the fucking cat's pyjamas it won't take a minute.
Keep 'thrift'.
My point here is that I believe the poem would be more effective if it didn't try to bridge the gap between male whore experience and average experience by assuming that the reader can find some common ground to relate to. I feel that this search cheapens and weakens the poem. If the reader were unable to find common ground he or she would begin to comprehend the feeling that someone who has no common ground with anyone else feels, ie what a male prostitute dying alone in an indifferent world feels. My point here is that the sense of tragedy is lessened by the unimaginative delivery. All this poem does is say that some guy is dying under unfortunate circumstances and that he's sad. Big fucking deal I say. If the sole intent here is to make the reader feel sorry for this person, it wouldn't be much of a poem, even if it did manage to do that.
It's a fine poem, it just seems that if h8 feels so strongly about this, maybe he should do something interesting instead of something not too many tiers above your garden variety whiney girl poetry. The fact that it is about a male whore dying alone doesn't really distinguish it from those my girlfriend left me type things so universally scorned.
GANUS IS ME/SETTLE. YOU DUMB CUNT. LET IT GO. I AGREE TO DISAGREE ON THIS ONE, AND IF IT MEANS I'M AN EGOTISTICAL IDIOTIC WANKER SO BE IT, IT IS CONSOLATION ENOUGH KNOWING I DIDN'T WRITE THIS.
Lovely, freshly laundered sheets lovely
New socks lovely
The smell of burning dust from turning on the furnace for the first time this year lovely. Couplet after S2 needs rewriting. Doesn't jive with feel of poem.
The first thing I've read fromn you in two months and I have to say it's some of the best I have ever read from you. 9+
Hmm i give.........a 7 , hey 7 aint bad ya know!?
*Is emotional*
Damn...this is good. reminds me of walking around late night in SOHO or in & out of Ave. B. Just love the way you structured the first two lines in each paragraph. Solid 8
YES I SHALL TELL ALL KINDERGARTENERS YR WISDOM! KILL YRSELVES AND 4EVER U SHALL BE FREEEEEE!!!!!!!! * cough* woops..... um..........yea..
Yes! Yes! the church... The catholics... Ad Patres means gathered to the fathers and or deceased. and El prostitute mean the bowl of raison bran? No. this has very little to do with religion. if anything this poem is about 'compromise' and 'self-forgiveness' the mixture of sex in the title and a church and a mission in the poem serve only as a reminder that death in itself is the ultimate sanctuary and a part of life's learning lessons.
Dude this is classic limerence
we all have seen it. I can appreciate your side bro.
yo
Laughs and takes it to a philosophy forum instead.
420!
Is this possibly about the catholic church? Well actually I saw your name else where and was wondering if you know that this is one of the most waesome pieces ever written? I personally think that you have talent. Find yourself a good 'play' though
Many thanks, honollabre suhl.
i went and checked my dictionary, and this became much funnier, here's an upgrade. 9.
Tried. I stop thinking about where I am physically headed. I've ended up in some strange places. Ah well so much for that.