scitz
on The Cheetah (dedicated to zzinnia) by Mr Pig
13 Feb 2003, 7:53 AM
Simplistic and beautiful.
A lot to take in here looks promising on a glance will peruse later
A good subject which you could have written about better, it would be interesting to read it from the POV of the starer, black gloves, menacem so much more to touch on. This is a bit too obvious try delving deeper(5)
Moving and quite thought provoking, a strong opening and ending, probably the best i've read of yours....8
Thought it was about time i commented on this. its all been said by the others your a great poet, a fine poem, what i like is how you used the subject an amplified such beauty from it...10
OneFingerAnswer
replying on The Boys and Girls Club of London by OneFingerAnswer
13 Feb 2003, 2:16 AM
Yeah. I actually posted this one cause I wasn't happy with it. I wanted to see if someone could help me sort it out. As for the other idea, most of my poems are about stuff that's happened to me. "The Beauty of His Last Night Wasted or An Explanation" is to someone who was there when I needed but wouldn't accept help. "Castle of Sand" sounds like it's about jilted love (which is where most of mine center) but it's actually to my dad who died when I was very young. "Jeff" was my attempt to get a grip on my feeling about a friend's suicide and to see things from his side. "Thornwood (Splinters)" was actually writen as a drunken attempt to get over an ex and then cleaned up some the next morning. So I've written many poems about what has happened to and around me. The only one that's really about where I'm from is "Small Town Snow" and that one is pretty easy to read and get. Actually I think most of my stuff is by time I get to where I'm happy with it. Thanks and if you don't want to helpo with this I understand (I've worked on it a lot just to get this far) but I'd appreciate it if you'd check out some of my others.
Thanks for your comments, the "pollen sucked and dry" line I thought symbolised the distended and redundant breasts of a one time beauty and mother.
I didn't have any specifics but I was thinking that it kind of stands for those small thing in life that we give up for people we truely love.
Do you like T.A.T.U.?? I think the dykey one is hot in a not yet 18 sort of way. GUHHHHH
OMG Tatu is AWESOME. This is the BEST SMITHS COVER EVER.
Shakespeare wrote many sonnets about time. I like yours. The second stanza especially. "pollen...dry" is rather harsh I think for such a pretty verse, my only complaint.
A great monologue. Write a play about being a teenage loser, I like your character, I find him sympathetic, but he needs to find a world to live in, and he needs to take his time showing the audience his revelation. Write a play, about real teenagers.
I see potential, but this is all over the place, hard to follow. Read it out loud and make it sound better. Try writing about something that actually happened to you. Tell me about were you live, what's happened to you. Start there.
wtf
What I did there was to use the title of a song as my comment!
What do you fucking mean fucking fucker fuck
Treat me mean, I need the reputation.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on The Kansas City Chiefs suck by Jeremi B. Handrinos
12 Feb 2003, 8:32 PM
lol! I bet you could base a succesful comedy act on that sort of apathetic attitude toward sport!
Out of curiosity, what do you say the fritter stands for?