I understand how hard it can be to work these things... overall I like the piece, but: "Then I first espied her. She had beauty to excess! A laugh to shiver spines - A Galician princess. What mystic Yorkshire root Was stirred in quiemada? What supernatural spice Was robbed from heaven's larder?" really don't work for me. they stumble and may have even broken something.

I think connection could be an interesting thing to explore, but... I had no connection with this poem beyond that.

color me confounded and confused. :/

interesting, but. Hmm. I don't get the 3x-teed waddler.

I didn't get it until reading the comments. :/

pain is a living mongoose scrotum adorning fashion attachment. ALL ELSE is shower curtain hoops.p

rarr. :)

I'm afraid this just doesn't move me much. It's very pretty, but it's not for me. 8

You have some good stuff buried in here, but it's going to topple from the weight of all the extra words. Careful, too, of the contradictions--if the sun shows no sign of returning, why does it appear in S2? Lose some of the deadweight--concrete offers no shade/drought-dead trees bring no relief/ the stars have not been seen in years/coastline utopias (no asses)/complacent minds wobble and faith can't stop the change, etc. Work with the good stuff--but WORK with it. Good luck. This could be quite good.

the edit still needs to be cleaned up, but i think you get the point.

sure, i'd love to..'dada', (i don't know if i'm spelling it correctly), is poetry in a artistic shape that works on maby levels within the readers psyche, but i can give you a better example. a poem i wrote called hey, shut up and cut my grass. z wrote one shaped like a penis..but i don't think that dada is even necisarily applicable to this poetic situation, let me do an edit, try this. i was left standing, by myself holding hands with the air, the bleak moon stared down upon me and seeing that i was a solitary figure, stood aside and let me be. I watched slowly as days went by, fluttering past at an alarming rate. my life is going by too, i'm noticing nothing but you, indirect emotion lingering on your breath you didn't know what to say so you didn't say anything.a

Good work, Mr. Bub. Deserves a better title.

Would you quit posting this shit...don't you have to go and work on some Dutch pop song?....ahhhhhh...nananananananan lalalalala....chu chu chu....

hahaaaaaaaaa....have you seen the rats in the subway stations in NYC...holly shit...they are huge! Anyway, here's a 9 for making me laugh.