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CommentsComments 58561–58580 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

Nicholas Monson on Never Alone at Night by Limness 4 Dec 2002, 3:03 AM
Dear Limness, Thank you for your reply to my comments. Thank you also for introducing "quietus" to me. I would still contend it is the wrong choice of word because while the end of relationship was a quietus for him, it was not for you in any sense of the word (there appear to be two). Hell, you are in agony for the love of him. Quietus is what you need, not what you have. Secondly my other difficulty is that the word is too obscure, save for the most erudite of readers. In a poem which is so touching and well written do you really want your readers to be scrambling for the dictionary? It breaks the spell. As to the audience you address, I find it is better to stick to one audience at a time, though having said that I am guilty myself (quite unnecessarily) in my submission Tribute to A Friend, which is written in the manner of Hilaire belloc. I am a new member of this poet's circle and I have only just submitted three poems yesterday. My others are Hattie and Party Mugging (AAgain). Please be so kind as to have a peek. Best wishes. NB You are very good.
Caducus on she said by Bill Z Bub 4 Dec 2002, 2:46 AM
very original, concise and to point
Caducus on The Black Cottage by w~* ATHENA *~w 4 Dec 2002, 2:45 AM
EXPLAINED LIKE A FAIRYTALE, QUITE BEAUTIFULLY, NEEDS A LITTLE MORE SUBSTANCE I THINK.
Caducus on want of warmth by <~> 4 Dec 2002, 1:46 AM
I cant do haiku sob sob, you can, envy !
Caducus on Rich and the wall by INTRANSIT 4 Dec 2002, 1:45 AM
cute
Caducus on Allegheny Winter Lament by jdsnyd 4 Dec 2002, 1:44 AM
Learned the art of description in this, its given me an idea for somthing =8= nice one jd
<~> on Rich and the wall by INTRANSIT 3 Dec 2002, 11:49 PM
watch out for spiders. their bites do itch.
<~> on Allegheny Winter Lament by jdsnyd 3 Dec 2002, 11:49 PM
why so unsettled? why the jags? winter smoothes, buries all in its bitter greyed skin.
<~> on Where Beauty Goes by jhackman 3 Dec 2002, 11:48 PM
hold a rose while you may. the memory damns me.
<~> on The futillity of charity. by darby pyn 3 Dec 2002, 11:26 PM
but this is not tailored. nor is it off the rack. this is a find. show it off.
<~> on she said by Bill Z Bub 3 Dec 2002, 11:24 PM
i like it. i like the title, although if you must change it, i suggest "she said".
Bill Z Bub on Allegheny Winter Lament by jdsnyd 3 Dec 2002, 10:31 PM
For some reason, I love the last line. "the bastards of creation" some good stuff here.
Bill Z Bub replying on she said by Bill Z Bub 3 Dec 2002, 10:24 PM
Hmm. Oddly, it was all one stanza originally. I decided to separate the lines at the last minute as an aid to the rhythm. Your suggestion is under consideration. Thanks, Rebecca.
Bill Z Bub replying on she said by Bill Z Bub 3 Dec 2002, 10:20 PM
Thanks again, INTRANSIT!
Bill Z Bub replying on she said by Bill Z Bub 3 Dec 2002, 10:19 PM
Thanks. Interestingly, this poem was untitled until I decided to post it here. And I actually considered "Lessons", but thats the title of another poem I've written.
some deleted user on she said by Bill Z Bub 3 Dec 2002, 4:42 PM
good poem, tho I'd not seperate the first two stanzas and I like the title. You think it will be a overly-done, "you hurt me so its over" kinda poem. But its not, its right. 9
INTRANSIT on Silence by Cha no Onna 3 Dec 2002, 4:13 PM
Z is big help. always. welcome,and nice entry work too.
Quarton on The Devil Made Her Do It by Limness 3 Dec 2002, 3:58 PM
Nice flow to this and well written. Also, quite original.
Quarton on flight by soccer23 3 Dec 2002, 3:55 PM
A sad little poem but I liked it. It does need editing as there is a bit of redundancy and some words that are unnecessary. One example: Bright blue sky deleted so it reads: She dreams of endless sky. This is minor but so much better IMO. Bright and blue distract from what is a lovely and meaningful sentence. Good luck.
INTRANSIT on she said by Bill Z Bub 3 Dec 2002, 3:52 PM
Yes, the title gives too much away. Love the beat! good job devil man.