daniella
on Three pointed star by INTRANSIT
2 Nov 2002, 6:16 PM
dont wanna be a purist, but, 6 beats on the last line...
this longing throbs. the end line twirks a bit off line, but i can hear a heartbeat here.
too many moments here.
deep at the bottom is where we poets draw a well-spring. keep digging while looking back up at the light.
oxymorons can work. writing about finding nothing to write about. leap out of the circle and show us.
meet bacchus. the whirling scurvish of a life gone so sour dog wild with pain he sleeps with the sisters Dementia and Pain.
No you can always tell. I can always tell. I'm always right. You're not gay, for instance. Frass thinks he isn't but is. Horus8 is very, very gay. Clark Gable gay. Alec Guinness gay. John Gielgud with Laurence Olivier in the handicapped stall gay.
YOU SHOULD REWRITE THIS ONE PRETENDING YOU WERE IGGY POP (PRE-BOWIE): WHEN IT SOUNDS WRITE SUNG ALOUD YOU'VE DONE IT RIGHT. DO SOMETHING LIKE "GIMME DANGER" WITH AIDS.
my haiku is better. HA.
just kidding this is good. but why did it cost many jewish lives? Shouldnt they be saved? 9. three pointed star. as in half of the star of david? Was it torn in half? ahh questions
dementia? Oh please
reminds me of a song about this girl who was molested. I dont know if she was molested, probably not. But you describe this girl's feelings well so I give it a 8. It was gunna be 7 but since the title is "a day in march" i gave it an 8.
i give it a 7
I honestly didn't have anything to write about, so I wrote that. The interesting lines that follow are me writing about me not having anything to write about.. yet I do... I think the first line matters. I was going to finish the poem up later on (hence the "to be continued") but I suppose that is the end of the poem. It is not to be continued.. "to be continued" it is a line. And with that, why can't "I have found I have nothing to write about" be a line. Get it now? OH WELL. Just another poetic mistake turned into a confusing meaning by me...
Painfully true. You are quite the writer Mr. Jones. Another for me to look up to, thank you.
better...butter? ah...i get it butter---flys..you are sharp and muy intelligente, you must be dark angle'S kin, or perhaps his plumbers...CRACK!r
Cool! thanks for the corection! I am not the best speller in the world. I am hoping to run into a poem of yours.
From Karen/feathers68
I think you are not seeing the deeper picture to this poem and that it is about how dementia takes it's tole on the soul.but interesting take on things from your point of view. Are you the devil?