INTRANSIT
replying on One Country by poetandknowit
14 Oct 2002, 9:30 AM
You're a riot Z. And I'm starting to see Dark Angels humor too. Thanks for the vote of confidence;)
All three are quite enjoyable. You like bees, and honey. Sounds like you like women. You have humor, very important. Thanks for the laugh,welcome,enjoy!888
he only just finished it. you are no baby, sir. not to put words in p&k's mouth, or sweetbred or anything else in his mouth, for that matter...
Sorry P&K, are you referring to this piece being a baby or me? I'd hoped my level was above "baby", but then my emotions some times suggest otherwise. "One country" seems far from being a baby. OY! I talk too much.
such sorrow in your words... good read vulcan :o)
i like what you are trying to say, but you are not communicating it effectively
an army of thinkers. easier said than done, but it is a good fight, and i am fighting it, as are you. you just can't let on that you're after their soul right away, or that you're speaking (poetry) (shhh!!!). people are scared of poetry because they think it is beyond them. pshaw!
and, calling it 'snow-white' conjurs disney for me. now i am not everyman, but i think you might consider the efeect the title has on the piece overall.
I believe GANDHI was to a degree, a poet. He led an army of people to fight without physical violence. I was going for "fun' not goofy. Could you recommend some reading that may help me improve my skills?
jesus, vulcan, it just doesn't work like that. it's too archaic sounding, and doesn't come off that way at all. sorry.
You want I should think you are mean? No way. Not doin' it. Ithink you ARE a nice person, and you save the claws for applicable applications. Your comments I have recieved seem knowledgeable and gentle. However, your underlying "dirtiness" amuses me.
e) maybe if vulcan decides if the snow has made the protagonist into a snow man, or if some one has meade a snowman for the amusement of the protagonist, and conveys that more clearly; maybe if vulcan can explain how the balls of snow are balful; maybe if vulcan can explain how said protagonist is still yet moving through a storm (which generally requires a struggle) 'as Death' implies the protagonist not being dead; maybe vulcan mean he/she is doomed to walk in the snowstorm forever, and thus the use of 'sole'? have i hit on any of your main points, and if so, COULD YOU PLEASE pare the damn thing down and try NOT to be obscure? one may write worlds that taste diaphanous without occluding the vision.
nice!7
We are good together. Despite the logistics, you have mixed somehow with my blood. You capture my core. We have our affinity. I am grateful to find you here, and in a sweet and strange way, I love you.
ask p&k. he's a journalist.
vulcan, i have read and re-read this poem, and i do not consider myself a dense person, so i must conclude that:
a) i am not as well-read as you, and you are alluding to something i perhaps should have read, that would be the key to unlock the poem
b) the metaphor is clear in your mind, but has not translated well to the reader at large
c) i am dense
Interesting point of view tom...interesting...lol...hehe But I like bumblebees, hehe so I give yeah a 10 =) hehe go bumblebees!!
^..^
=(0)= Meow
Think please of the Unsound murmur and a man who Thinks is walking by his Soul and ends in a murmur (a mortal murmur)that says quite the reverse
to what end? i don't get it.
v-this poem is fraught with mixed imagery. you mean to make it sorrowful, but the snowman with the swollen nose makes it comical. and, please, check your spelling. a 'sole' and a 'soul' are very different.