Nope. Still not there yet.

Why follow a rhyme scheme, then desert it, then take up another half-arsed one in the last stanza? I can't see that it contributes anything to this poem; there seems to be no formal point to doing it. It jars.

The ABoriginals just confuse me. Is she an imperialist? What? This loses me. Pink coils? See a doctor. What?

I've come back after a long time away from the 'ranker and found this - this is great. It's a perfect couple of moments. Well done.

At least you're thinking about someone other than yourself, which you never used to. But you still can't punctuate (stanza 3, line 1 - ditch those commas) and you're still writing extended Hallmark card greetings and I'm baffled how you get these high scores. How does a flame emulate the stars and the moon, which are non-flickering, non-flamelike things? What does the last line of stnaza 4 actually mean?

Despite a certain fey quality, very good.

Very encouraging first two stanzas.

This is obviously a horrible horible thing to go through. I can't imagine how awful it must feel. And at this point the criticism of your poetry becomes redundant, because this isn't poetry and has no literary value; but as a document of your pain and suffering it has a value of its own. If this is your therapy, carry on and God help you.

More a pensee than a poem. Worth saying though. A hint of Nietzsche.

The metaphor is completely overworked and the relation of the World war, Hitler, Goebbels etc. to yourself is so unbelievably narcissistic and self-indulgent that it makes me rather angry. Who do you think you are? Jesus, have some perspective. Moreover, this is illiterate- 'It has began'? And that's only line 2. Add into that the lumpy graceless metre and this is terrible.

That is a very smooth performance hiding a heavy wieght of emotion. That's really great. And it sounds beautiful too.

Wonder is not a synonym for idiocy, gullibility and wiful anti-rationalism. The fact that we have evolved into organisms intelligent enough to ask these questions - isn't that wonderful enough? And it's called astral projection anyway.

I would like to see this in a stricter form. At the moment this is over-blown and doesn't carry the feeling throughout the verbiage. It's also a prfoundly pretentious title - 'requiem' is a word that has become too often used by newscasters and Hollywood films to the point where it is now just a load of puff. However, there are some really good observations.

Frankly, this would be unacceptable on a Hallmark card. Keep up the good work. You have now written this poem approximately 4,834,231 times and still it gets no better.

I'll lay a bet that Nana and Mamosita are one and the same person. She must be feeling awful that she has inspired not one but two absolutely gruesome outpourings of semi-literate platitudinous bilge. What a thing to do to someone. Please, for her sake, STOP WRITING under any of your dodgy and nauseating pseudonyms.

"It amazes me how you are so very clever,
You will be a piece of my life forever."

For instance, this rubbish - this couplet does not contain a wittily encapsulated, but two unlinked and frankly trite thoughts that have been jammed together because of the rhyme. Do youa ctually read poetry written by poeple who can do it properly? By whom I mean Shakespeare, Auden or Byron, not Forever Friends.

Not a philosopher.

Or a poet.

Are you a fascist?No, really?

This is powerful and I know exactly what you mean. Come out and spill whatever you have to! But I like this.

I feel as if I've stumbled into the middle of a private conversation. How embarrassing.