on A poem crafted from the depths of my heart by capachijim
1 Aug 2004, 7:29 PM
Splendid!
on Mushroom Potion #9 by <{Baba^Yaga}>
2 Aug 2004, 11:19 AM
Sounds like you believe in darn near everything. I like the cadance, except for the last verse, which I wonder why you include.
on some deleted poem
2 Aug 2004, 11:28 AM
I bet it sounds great read aloud. The spacing helps to give it voice.
on A FIRST POEM FOR MY GRANDCHILd by massangel62
2 Aug 2004, 11:43 AM
A nice sentiment and appreciated I am sure by the ones it is for, but a bit too simplistic for posting here. You will probably not appreciate the response.
on two by unknown^user
2 Aug 2004, 11:38 AM
A nicely crafted picture.
Line breaks at the changes of scene seem appropriate.
No period after "But if he is still the man."
The title is not exactly a butler inviting me into the parlor.
Line breaks at the changes of scene seem appropriate.
No period after "But if he is still the man."
The title is not exactly a butler inviting me into the parlor.
on some deleted poem
1 Aug 2004, 7:01 PM
I believe it is spelled keeriste, making the "i" long. Otherwise it sounds like keerispy cream or something.
She's forgotten the tale of the cross for sure. Good analogy.
She's forgotten the tale of the cross for sure. Good analogy.
on Meditations on a Human Skeleton in a Museum by Sasha
1 Aug 2004, 3:36 PM
A good thoughtful ramble.
Line 1, do you mean "your teeth"?
Might want to reconsider, "Whose money runs your immortality?" It throws in a new thought, maybe not needed. And if it's a sonnet, might want to reconsider the indentation and line break.
Line 1, do you mean "your teeth"?
Might want to reconsider, "Whose money runs your immortality?" It throws in a new thought, maybe not needed. And if it's a sonnet, might want to reconsider the indentation and line break.
on Cold Ones by gayguy2005
1 Aug 2004, 2:31 PM
I think it would be stronger if some lines were omitted. Try leaving these out:
Your in command,
no longer theirs,
are yours for your delights,
yours are the only ones you hear,
no complaints on how you good you are,
its like your the only one here,
Your in command,
no longer theirs,
are yours for your delights,
yours are the only ones you hear,
no complaints on how you good you are,
its like your the only one here,
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2004, 7:45 PM
While it's not your usual mood, it's been my mood at times. Reading something I'd be afraid to post is therapy. Thanks.
on The wispears of the night by XxRuby_KillsXx
31 Jul 2004, 12:54 PM
Please check spelling before submitting. Thank you.
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2004, 4:05 PM
At least you INSIPID even your own. But I don't find it lifeless or dull, though Doctor Smellygood is a bit weird.
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2004, 10:28 AM
Like the beat poets of the fifties with their agendas. It's hard to wade that boring political stuff.
on You Can't Kill A Dead Man! by dougsoderstrom
31 Jul 2004, 10:30 AM
Not a new thought, but a good one. Not really a haiku either, but a good way to live.
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2004, 12:16 PM
This is so so sad, it must be a satire on so so sad. Assuming that it is, I'm giving a 9, not the 0 it would be otherwise.
on I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU by massangel62
31 Jul 2004, 1:19 PM
"tears Flowed like a river bed"??? Riverbeds don't flow, and most of the other analogies don't work either. they seem only there for the rhymes.
on The Conception of a Dream by wilco
31 Jul 2004, 7:52 PM
I've read this three times and it's still perplexing. First, I see so much variety that "Startlingly similar are the plains From one coast to the other" throws me. And why would the the goal of the wasted and youthful be to quiet these thoughts? Then comes a line I relate to and like: "to keep them in the forefront is the curse of the aged and foolish." The last verse I try to relate to the title and end up only vaguely able. Maybe it's supposed to be vague and dreamy.
on The Chaos by Prince of Void
31 Jul 2004, 2:07 PM
A good idea, but not strongly presented.
I'd like to see the ending be more definitive.
I became a mystic
They are just consumers
Led me to find myself
Trying to keep the decaying day away
As the people become more hollow
I'd like to see the ending be more definitive.
I became a mystic
They are just consumers
Led me to find myself
Trying to keep the decaying day away
As the people become more hollow
on some deleted poem
30 Jul 2004, 7:17 PM
It seems a few mere strings to undo in theory and a few folds to flatten in what time and space you had available would have been no problem for one so adept in grammar. Oh well.
on some deleted poem
30 Jul 2004, 7:28 PM
Silk usually comes without lace and vice versa, but okay not always. What I really can't buy is not kicking off the high heels before going to sleep. Maybe you should try wearing them awhile and then see if the last line really works. Otherwise good.
on some deleted poem
29 Jul 2004, 11:27 AM
I'd rather you said what you expect tomorrow to bring, but still it's a common feeling and therefore the stuff of poems.