on Flying things by INTRANSIT
23 Jul 2004, 3:11 PM
Try "fight" in line 9
on Perfection by lilshorrtee
29 Jul 2004, 11:09 AM
Pleas check spelling and grammar before submitting. Thank you.
on some deleted poem
29 Jul 2004, 11:13 AM
"wanting me fully" sounds presumptious. Maybe because "I refuse to concentrate."
on some deleted poem
29 Jul 2004, 11:20 AM
The last line is a twist of uncertainty. The rest works.
on Barflies and Bombshells by wilco
28 Jul 2004, 10:52 AM
May it never drop, if not from this barfly, then some other. Cheers
on some deleted poem
28 Jul 2004, 11:03 AM
Or she knows when not to wear white, maybe never. Seems too many seasons to end first.
on The bad news is his bones are like rubber by Venus
28 Jul 2004, 11:06 AM
I like enough shrouding to let me draw my own conclisions, but I don't like riddles, and this reads like a riddle.
on some deleted poem
27 Jul 2004, 11:11 AM
Funny, good analogy, just a glass of wine and a room for the night, flush the rest.
on some deleted poem
27 Jul 2004, 11:24 AM
Nice
on some deleted poem
27 Jul 2004, 12:31 PM
What does it say about God if he gives a thing that curses? The line seems out of place in a an otherwise good poem.
on Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT
27 Jul 2004, 12:47 PM
The carbon dating thing throws me because it dates dead tissue, which is ok except that I wonder why you bring it up, except to compare it with what he was about to say regarding the stars. Otherwise a good read.
on Dirty Heaven by SupremeDreamer
25 Jul 2004, 1:39 PM
Good rant, if a bit long. May Breaonna make it to Pasadena and JJ's where she can get dinner and drink for three bucks.
on some deleted poem
25 Jul 2004, 7:56 AM
Everything is not the same, and that's what makes it work in two ways. It may be that not much has changed or it may be that a lot has changed. I can read both and like to ponder both.
on Hidden by QuirkyWonder
24 Jul 2004, 2:28 PM
I there are also other explanations, but I'll accept yours.
on Bad animal limericks by INTRANSIT
24 Jul 2004, 4:14 PM
Technically terapin burgers. Funny.
on the secret language of clouds by fair12
23 Jul 2004, 3:04 PM
Some good lines here and a good thought. I'd cull a few words - "though" in line 5, "over" in verse 4,
speech
speech
on The Poop Machines by dougsoderstrom
23 Jul 2004, 2:52 PM
I thought You wanted to rise above this sort of wallow. And going back this far to take another dip. Disgusting.
on Dan by dougsoderstrom
23 Jul 2004, 6:49 PM
Now this is good, provocative. I like Dan, whom I didn't, but do, in spite of his shoe.
on A Mothers Heart by TAMARAG67
23 Jul 2004, 6:52 PM
Good thought, but too cliche. Could use some banter between baby and adult.