on Jesus Around Your Neck (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20
31 Oct 2006, 10:57 AM
Another criticism of Christian hypocricy, and fairly well stated. Ironically, one of Jesus' major complaints with the "church" of his day was hypocricy.
on Fare Price (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20
31 Oct 2006, 10:54 AM
Fare price, as in a ticket to Heaven, is meant, I presume, as criticism of the church for wanting money for such passage. It's acommon theme, and not too well presented here. I'd rather see a juxteposition of "fare" and "fair."
on Footsteps by MacFrantic
3 Nov 2006, 1:17 PM
The sound is poetry. Maybe that's all that matters.
on heyyyyyy alligator by hottttwindnie
3 Nov 2006, 1:18 PM
"rhyming is hard" - Wrong!
on Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic
1 Nov 2006, 10:30 AM
If male, you show inordinate female understanding in the first stanza. "sadder wiser beers, drank locked behind playgrounds" says a lot. Stanza 2 blows it mostly, first with the nondescript salutation to Burundi, then the periods in UFO. And how is that related to the excellent start?
on some deleted poem
11 Nov 2006, 2:09 PM
Sorry, I only meant to devastate your vestigial manhood. It seems that in addition I've scared the crap out of you.
on Mind of One by justjay
11 Nov 2006, 1:52 PM
This has potential, but think about "Spinning around in circles that no one has ever imagined." What does it really mean? is it true? Does it really add anything to your theme? Also consider the grammar throughout; is it better to follow the rules?
on Dovina & Co by amanda_dcosta
11 Nov 2006, 12:25 PM
If a Company can have a heart, then its eyes can have despair, and you can look there and say, "It will survive." Some eyes have faith, others hope, others love. And you know which is greatest.
on some deleted poem
11 Nov 2006, 12:37 PM
What tripe! Dull! :( And "insult to injury" !!! Why not say "hanky panky" while you're at it.
on Accusation by INTRANSIT
11 Nov 2006, 12:44 PM
Yes, poor poor man. He has no choice, always accused for what he is. Cut him up, girls; each take a piece. Really, this says it quite well.
on some deleted poem
11 Nov 2006, 12:48 PM
Since you're writing a philosophical position or hypothesis or devotion, a thing I am often accused of, I'll tell you what they invariably tell me Use poetry! Forget the discourse. Just tell them where to go.
on I always Win by InWonderLand
11 Nov 2006, 12:50 PM
Do you think switching upper and lower case is cute? It's not. This needs more thought about what it says.
on forgotten by the indign
11 Nov 2006, 1:21 PM
Cut out half the words for starters. Then see if there's some intresting way to way it.
on POT OF THE POET by stevopoet
11 Nov 2006, 1:31 PM
It's a lot of words about poetry strung together withour much of a point. I suppose it's clever, but not very.
on In a Church by Sasha
11 Nov 2006, 1:47 PM
It's a good poem, I suppose, at least a good poem in translation. Couldn't you improve the meter though, and not lose the meaning. i.e.:
Star candles
in the peopleâs hands,
a bit of tallow
for Madonna.
Each a gift,
a silent prayer,
a secret keeping
holy honor.
Star candles
in the peopleâs hands,
a bit of tallow
for Madonna.
Each a gift,
a silent prayer,
a secret keeping
holy honor.
on In sickness and in health by Schlinkey
20 Nov 2006, 5:01 PM
Pure and Vile must be their names. It seems the "sickness" theme should be developed, perhaps in relation to Vile.
on Improvisation by MacFrantic
19 Nov 2006, 2:08 PM
A splended path is not so bad, even a rcky path. Wh cares where it leads.
on Though I m lost, Love is not by Prince of Void
19 Nov 2006, 2:11 PM
Illusions are not so bad, even beat reality much of the time. Why imagine agonies?
on She dreams by amanda_dcosta
24 Nov 2006, 9:30 AM
It has a nice rhythm and a wistful playfulness.
"the world without a doubt, as she" could lose "as she"
"love unfolds"
"of oaks and pine and firs growing tall" seems off rhytrhm. "pines" for consistency.
"skip to its tune" is off-grammar, but "skipping" would be off-rhythm.
"the world without a doubt, as she" could lose "as she"
"love unfolds"
"of oaks and pine and firs growing tall" seems off rhytrhm. "pines" for consistency.
"skip to its tune" is off-grammar, but "skipping" would be off-rhythm.
Welcome back.