poemranker ::20 most recent comments by Dovina (1321-1340)

Comments byDovina, 1321–1340 back. Include replies

on Adibe's Song (third-time's-the-charm revision, less Spanish) by zodiac 2 Jun 2005, 12:45 PM
Not knowing language or culture, I'd say she knotted her scarf, but can't see what she makes of it all.
on some deleted poem 2 Jun 2005, 12:56 PM
It starts out a good Penticost description, but the tongues of fire were there. And 5 weeks later, is that Verse 3?
on some deleted poem 2 Jun 2005, 5:23 PM
I’m listening for the trigger sign. Nope, don’t hear it today, maybe tomorrow. Meanwhile, I’m displeased with “Iraq over two years.” I mean what if it were 1 or 20, the important thing is to say 2, not two – symmetry with 1700, or, er, 17,000. No stick with two and seventeen hundred, it’s prosaic that way, not that killer math.
on some deleted poem 2 Jun 2005, 7:21 PM
A cute story with some funny prose. The title doesn't fit - dragons and backpack.
on Truckers should not be poets by INTRANSIT 2 Jun 2005, 7:31 PM
Splitting the years into pieces to please, some time pleasing here, some there, splitting gears, split by peers. Think I'll stay home.
on Captian, Doctor..Father by celticskatermatt1 2 Jun 2005, 7:33 PM
A little sappy, but alright, yep - all right.
on Structure of a Woman by al-naafiysh 3 Jun 2005, 10:34 AM
But I think you do have fancy architecture.

It's sad that being built to love and understand, we're often hating and misunderstanding.
on Soldier by kev_wannabe 3 Jun 2005, 10:44 AM
Trite.
on Adibe's Song (third-time's-the-charm revision, less Spanish) by zodiac 3 Jun 2005, 1:32 PM
Why is she in the men's residencia?
Is she a she? The scarf implies so.
Why is hermano not Hermano?
Is a hacienda a residencia? Not ordinarily.
Why are housewives in a men's residencia?
Why capital Heaven, but not church?
How does she know tomorrow's headlines?
Last line is good.
on some deleted poem 5 Jun 2005, 10:17 PM
Do you mean "hoped"?
on Always Forever by Princess_Snowflake 5 Jun 2005, 10:19 PM
How long is "almost a few years"?
How long is "always forever"?
on some deleted poem 6 Jun 2005, 3:05 PM
"o won't she" > or won't she
I hope to be.
on Dovecote by zodiac 6 Jun 2005, 3:14 PM
The prodigious punctuation is distracting. Shorter lines with half as many : " , etc., would be more readable. It rambles too much for "free verse." Prose poem maybe. Still, a good story.
on Up Close at a Distance by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 7 Jun 2005, 2:27 PM
I like the mixture of emotions and the overiding passion. The ~ 's in ther first verse are a nice touch. Wish you'd used them in the second.
on some deleted poem 6 Jun 2005, 5:24 PM
If you post a quote from the King James Version, credit is in order.
on some deleted poem 7 Jun 2005, 9:24 AM
Please look up Hebrews 11:1 in the King James Version of the Bible or go here:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=65&chapter=11&verse=1&version=9&context=verse

on Ice mask by Caducus 7 Jun 2005, 12:01 PM
The first three verses are good. Then it gets weird. The widow and the girl who died at 20 seem unrelated to the one you start with.

"older than she"
on some deleted poem 7 Jun 2005, 12:03 PM
A good idea, not well written.
on he's leaving by eliznhaz 7 Jun 2005, 12:07 PM
Tender, but too close to the way I really think it will be. Give me imagery to cover my sorrow.
on Haiku String of the Bee by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 7 Jun 2005, 2:31 PM
I think haiku is not the best form for this. And "love for queen" seems unlikely.