on some deleted poem
7 Apr 2005, 12:45 PM
It has meter and all that poetic appropriatness, but the thought train feels too familiar.
on wonder by the_poetess
14 Apr 2005, 4:18 PM
Our wonder will stay right where it is.
on look east when you leave west by Caducus
8 Apr 2005, 7:55 AM
Something about writing a poem about never writing another poem is very nice.
Greek gods, not Gods.
Good title.
Greek gods, not Gods.
Good title.
on Forbidden Fruit(2) by thepinkbunnyofdoom
8 Apr 2005, 12:18 PM
I get the forbiddenness you want her to see. But it seems that if you want to use that Biblical analogy, it would be better to talk of Eve and a serpent and the enticing fruit on a tree she was told not to touch. And twist that image into the things your are saying.
on Mixtapes (or We Always End Where We Began) by philn
8 Apr 2005, 2:33 PM
It's a nice play on cliches. I don't see the mixtape analogy, but I'm not in the music business. It seems cliches are unavoidable - birth, life, death - cliche, cliche.
on Poets are dead! by Prince of Void
8 Apr 2005, 2:40 PM
Not to wake you up again, but don't you think this is too dismal. After all, if there's absolutely no good and no life in what we do, then why are you doing it?
on science by whispern_smoke_wisp
9 Apr 2005, 10:37 AM
Science has explained away none of the magic of love between dog and human. The study of evolution only enhances the magic.
on Kansas City by PodPoet
9 Apr 2005, 10:39 AM
Well stated, though I disagree with your conclusion.
on shaving by crooked_smile
9 Apr 2005, 10:43 AM
Then it's not perfection, is it?
on a journey by the_poetess
9 Apr 2005, 10:49 AM
The first five lines are good, but then it wanders in bad grammar: (you lips are chapped) and (milk for you drink) The last line is only vaguely supported.
on a note on content by not_a_philosopher
9 Apr 2005, 10:51 AM
please, at least make it clear what you are getting at, so that if your only goal is to sound nice, people will know it.
on Looking Over the Blueprints by somemorepoetry
14 Apr 2005, 7:19 AM
If he were truly an architect, he would not refer to his prints by the antiquated "blueprints" or draw their originals with compas and straight edge, but with CAD.
on Boulder Lake, Somewhere in Wisconsin by jessicazee
12 Apr 2005, 7:35 AM
Good, but a problem with tenses - "You said weâd go" in first sentence, then "Drive your red truck" in the second. Then back to "I'd" in the third.
on Perfect Answer by Alizarin_Crimson
12 Apr 2005, 7:43 AM
The last two lines change from contemplative to didactic. That is if you mean "Be cause." If that's what you want to do, and I hope is is not, then transition needed.
on believing by whispern_smoke_wisp
14 Apr 2005, 4:04 PM
Why do you expect that a god we all decide to believe in will bring peace? How many of the others have brought peace?
on some deleted poem
16 Apr 2005, 11:17 AM
I agree with the man who said, âThe important thing to me is if I feel I have been communicated with. It does not really matter if the communication actually happened.â I wish I felt communicated with here.
on some deleted poem
16 Apr 2005, 11:20 AM
Sometimes paper cuts.
on Thanks again by Everyone
16 Apr 2005, 11:26 AM
I'll take ten pounds not to tell.