on some deleted poem
11 Jan 2005, 7:44 AM
Welcome back, though you never answered my question. Is this about Tolstoy's Crosacks? My Russian is rusty if ever lusty, and what is a Joan with a rack?
on For being shaken out of Bad Thoughts. by fevriere
6 Jan 2005, 7:52 AM
A fine comparison if you can know about afterlife (stars). The clockwork nature of sunsets (death) seems and the certainty of night seems stretched. Still a good poem.
on Nightmares Of Yesterday by Zalev
6 Jan 2005, 5:12 PM
A worthy story, lacking interest because it's too directly told.
on some deleted poem
6 Jan 2005, 4:34 PM
A hen was picking at a stack of pea-straw when a pea fell on her head, and she thought the sky was falling. Henny Penny was right for all her perception. Bewildered by a falling pea, she cried and cried, despite all their objections, not knowing she was merely bumping a mountain of a vine.
on Affairs by Stacy Stewart
6 Jan 2005, 4:40 PM
"embers softly spoken"???
"Tis love is . . . "???? The rest of this sentence is a lumbering flourish.
The conclusion "Tis the downfall of man." is not supported or led up to.
"Tis love is . . . "???? The rest of this sentence is a lumbering flourish.
The conclusion "Tis the downfall of man." is not supported or led up to.
on Fanboy by Blindpoetry
7 Jan 2005, 6:44 AM
Comma after Traveling?
on Let God Unwrite Itself by daggatolar
7 Jan 2005, 6:50 AM
A good start, using rite, but at the end where you change to "write" I lost the thing that seemed well staged - that we can rite out God. You seem to introduce the notion that god was written and can be unwritten too near to the end.
on Tough Act To Follow by jroday
8 Jan 2005, 8:30 AM
"Love" means many things in English. I wish we had all the Greek words with their different meanings for what we lump into "love." "Agape" comes close to your poem. Some folks are hard to love by any definition.
on The Mighty Brahmaputra by Bhaskaryya
8 Jan 2005, 9:08 AM
I think you sacrifice too much for the rhymes - grammar, clarity, even interest.
on some deleted poem
8 Jan 2005, 9:21 AM
Better grammar would help, even where you insert a word for rhythm's sake.
on You have 7 hours to live... now here's the bad news by D. $ Fontera
8 Jan 2005, 9:25 AM
If it's about telemarketing, the title should give some hint. It seems like you're talking about several things at once.
on The Poet's Plight by dougsoderstrom
11 Jan 2005, 7:49 AM
You've make a pretty good shot at poetic rhythm here. "Hidden, yet for the world to see" is a good line because it's a prospect to keep one going.
on some deleted poem
12 Jan 2005, 9:58 PM
Let's hope they give rise to more, that these fertilize, and that the time to rest is far away.
on Nectar of Infinity by MacFrantic
12 Jan 2005, 10:05 PM
It flows nicely and contains some awsome images, but altogether, it lacks motive and is too broad. It fails to pinpoint any real life issue.
on The Unsung Hero by Bhaskaryya
12 Jan 2005, 10:13 PM
A good flow and a good point.
on some deleted poem
13 Jan 2005, 2:24 PM
If you are reading this
You have discovered
That your choice
To put these words
Before the masses
Has wrought a smiling ear.
These words look back within me.
on some deleted poem
13 Jan 2005, 2:31 PM
A gardener to boot, are you? Magnolia leaves and book leaves works well. But why the huge tree and not the humble tomato or squash?
on some deleted poem
13 Jan 2005, 2:38 PM
You said recently that you're leaning away from punctuation in favor of humble line ends. My god, sir, has it worked out that badly? Can we have no middle ground? I have to imagine this in your usual style to appreciate its delicacy, which is there, but all splattered like a car driving by La Conchita, California.
on Can't Fight No More by jroday
13 Jan 2005, 2:48 PM
I can't say it any better than:
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i
If you're reading these words, you know you are appreciated by at least one, and I'll bet a year's longevity the Mrs. jroday would say the same.
on some deleted poem
15 Jan 2005, 2:09 PM
Line 4 is too boring. Subtlety in foreshadowing.