on Rain by dancin_n_da_moonlite
15 Jan 2005, 8:19 PM
Yes, I understand Katie. It's how I answer his questions, then re-answer when he asks again. Nicely done.
on some deleted poem
15 Jan 2005, 8:25 PM
You've been reading too much sci-fi. I remember the clickity clack of a typewriter. Kids today will remember the .wav bytes of Quicken if they live to see their obsolescence.
Methinks you use too many parens.
Methinks you use too many parens.
on Disturbed Destiny by misheila
15 Jan 2005, 2:16 PM
I have experienced this many times. Capturing the dream or the last thought before sleep or the waking thought, is difficult. Translation from sleep thinking into wake thinking is hard, but so worthwhile.
recaptire -> capture
period after desires.
recaptire -> capture
period after desires.
on the pretenders by PopoyMola
15 Jan 2005, 2:18 PM
Why the ....?
The language here is very simple, too simple, tenses sometimes wrong, grammar poor.
The language here is very simple, too simple, tenses sometimes wrong, grammar poor.
on some deleted poem
15 Jan 2005, 2:28 PM
Nicer now. Verse 2 (shadows) is especially nice. "Warm white" must refer to the doves, but they seem extraneous, another thought. I'd rather you stick with the trees, or make a stronger dove-to-tree tie.
on In the Shadows by Beyond_Dreams
15 Jan 2005, 2:34 PM
Like one of Shakespeareâs boring sonnets, too much gush, too little substance. I'd give most of his the same vote.
on Tra-la-la by Lifeboatman
15 Jan 2005, 2:40 PM
From the title, I take it as a pipedream. "in your birth canal grows the concept of my desire" a very sensuous line if spoken in the right time and place,
on some deleted poem
15 Jan 2005, 3:37 PM
Why all the repeats? Even without them, it's a lot of words. The "burn" "slice" "Kill" verses are good.
on American Semele (Edit) by Sasha
15 Jan 2005, 4:03 PM
The first verse is very tender and warm. The first two lines of the second verse give it all away.
on A Dear John by misheila
16 Jan 2005, 6:48 AM
I don't like this one nearly as well as your other. This seems written out of anger without close attention to craft. It's a whiny poem. And double-spacing doesn't help, nor do the lack of a spaces after commas.
on Rendered Genderless by PsydewaysTears
16 Jan 2005, 6:55 AM
Good meter and rhyme, but the message is overstated. Lines like "I can become Anything I want to be" don't cut it, not in my world. I hear what you're saying, but please keep it real.
on some deleted poem
16 Jan 2005, 7:03 AM
The first verse is good. If only the rest followed. Did you have a nervous breakdown midway in the writing?
on A Fake Hollywood by Blindpoetry
16 Jan 2005, 6:13 PM
They named Hollywood after what they thought was holly. It was not holly, but a look-alike, the toyan bush, which also has red berries at Christmas time. Hollywood's been a fake ever since. And use spellcheck!
on some deleted poem
16 Jan 2005, 8:26 PM
pathetic
on Only Me by heartlessempath
16 Jan 2005, 8:35 PM
What a terrible father you must have! Quite well written and convincing. Too much punctuation. The title - why only you?
on Vulture by Stacy Stewart
16 Jan 2005, 8:41 PM
Grammar!
on Buried On Hollowed Ground by Enchantres
16 Jan 2005, 8:47 PM
"Now you see," but how so? You imply consciousness after suicide death. Better to say the killer is gone and knows nothing. vote-7 only because it's well written.
on some deleted poem
18 Jan 2005, 6:51 AM
A novel way to think about breathing, an almost spiritual way. Not scientifically accurate, but makes a person proud to exhale good air, a reason to be. Cough! I just inhaled someone's garlic stir-fry.
on some deleted poem
18 Jan 2005, 6:56 AM
Good description. The last verse is a bit wordy. Try omiting "peoples'" "their" in three places.
hesitant -> hesitantly
hesitant -> hesitantly