replying on Surveyor and Farmer by Dovina
23 Aug 2005, 7:05 AM
Thanks for explaining. I think you mean to say something here, and I’m trying to sort it out. I will consider using some of your points in future poems. I do wish you’d be more direct, though. Adjective phrases like “Pants sagging shamefully” and “Seeming a bit lazy,” however, leave me wondering.
replying on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy
22 Aug 2005, 5:48 PM
Belief in anything is a paradox, and we all do it. Athiests have it the hardest because of their strong, and often untennable, belief. If we were not emotional and walked only by logic, would we still have beliefs? I think we would still believe that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, for example, and would build our logic of such beliefs. My beliefs, too, are open to continual reconsideration.
Well, it's like this. She gets herself all pumped up and proud like, a kind of PoemRank arogance, but in her real life, and well, she puffes herself up so much, it can't poissibly work out that way in the throws oif life, so she realizes her mistake, admits it, and then figures the whole thing is ironic and very sad.
on Night Shift by ALChemy
22 Aug 2005, 10:15 AM
Good description. A few unnecessary words, I think. For example, "My senses being woven into cocoons" could be "senses woven into cocoons"
on Dear Lord, by INTRANSIT
22 Aug 2005, 9:59 AM
The most religious thing I've seen from you. What gives? I Like it a lot.
replying on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy
20 Aug 2005, 11:53 AM
and the clarity and strength of statement. Your long comment above is confusing to me and seems self contradictory. Are you sure you know what you believe and whether you would change your belief if shown good reason?
replying on How Angels Sleep by Dovina
20 Aug 2005, 11:48 AM
"confused to understand" I see your point, and for that alone deserve a kiss.
I don't think "nor" works in the third stanza because it's about a real hand below a real rib, and not a continuation of verse 2. The duplication in "about this feeling" is there to show the difference between the act and the feeling. Weird, I know.
"platitudes" is strong, but it reminds me of the sayings attributed to angels - rest in peace, God be with you, I'm by your side, etc.
"City of Angels" might work into a nice addition. I'll consider it.
It is whimsical and non doctrinal, but your seggestion of fantasizing about sleeping with an angel is farther afield than I'm willing to go. The last verse is about sleeping with a man, and it compares this man with others who are like the angels in the former verses.
I'm good when I'm not poetic, but thanks, I see what you mean.
I don't think "nor" works in the third stanza because it's about a real hand below a real rib, and not a continuation of verse 2. The duplication in "about this feeling" is there to show the difference between the act and the feeling. Weird, I know.
"platitudes" is strong, but it reminds me of the sayings attributed to angels - rest in peace, God be with you, I'm by your side, etc.
"City of Angels" might work into a nice addition. I'll consider it.
It is whimsical and non doctrinal, but your seggestion of fantasizing about sleeping with an angel is farther afield than I'm willing to go. The last verse is about sleeping with a man, and it compares this man with others who are like the angels in the former verses.
I'm good when I'm not poetic, but thanks, I see what you mean.
replying on How Angels Sleep by Dovina
20 Aug 2005, 11:45 AM
Indeed it does, but I like to provide the reader an ambiguity when it seems to work. Here you can look at it as all about angels, or you can project angel behavior onto men.
replying on How Angels Sleep by Dovina
20 Aug 2005, 11:27 AM
"it's beat," referring to her heart - not bad.
replying on Surveyor and Farmer by Dovina
20 Aug 2005, 11:24 AM
Yes they are, and a secret encounter after an exhausting day at work is especially nice. Thanks for the comment.
replying on Surveyor and Farmer by Dovina
20 Aug 2005, 11:22 AM
An adjective phrase is any phrase which modifies a noun or pronoun. So you must mean lines 2,3,5,and 6. You have objected to my using lines like these in the past, and I've never understood why. It's become a part of my style and hard to change one's sex, but not impossible. I will change if convinced it's bad in some way besides preference. Really, thanks for the comment and vote.
replying on Looking for someone by INTRANSIT
19 Aug 2005, 3:59 PM
No, please don't stop. I'm sure you can find her. I'm only worried about those tight turns in the ruts of West Virginia and that some of your eighteen wheels could get stuck.
replying on The burden of faith by Bobjim
19 Aug 2005, 3:54 PM
I don’t think it’s been butchered very much at all. The old manuscripts that have been dug up recently show that not much has been changed through miscopying and bad translation.
Maybe you’ve been reading “The Da Vinci Code” by Dan Brown, which promotes the notion of Bible butchering. The book opens by saying that he has written a work of speculation, not necessarily history. Then he asserts that the Nicene Council selected the New Testament books form literature in circulation at the time, and that other selections could have just as readily comprised a different Bible. In this way he writes a bible with almost no credibility, and proceeds with his bogus hypothesis.
Actually, the books we call the New Testament are pretty well grounded in history. You may argue with what they say, but hardly with whether they come down to us essentially unchanged.
Maybe you’ve been reading “The Da Vinci Code” by Dan Brown, which promotes the notion of Bible butchering. The book opens by saying that he has written a work of speculation, not necessarily history. Then he asserts that the Nicene Council selected the New Testament books form literature in circulation at the time, and that other selections could have just as readily comprised a different Bible. In this way he writes a bible with almost no credibility, and proceeds with his bogus hypothesis.
Actually, the books we call the New Testament are pretty well grounded in history. You may argue with what they say, but hardly with whether they come down to us essentially unchanged.
replying on Looking for someone by INTRANSIT
19 Aug 2005, 12:17 PM
He needs better directions. Perhaps the name of the hollar.
on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy
19 Aug 2005, 12:15 PM
At first I was impressed with a poet who says he's willing to forsake a belief if he receives truth that better supports a new belief. But toward the end it sounds like you are saying you already have truth and would not accept any other. The first 6 lines are great.