replying on A Righteous Prayer by Dovina
24 Jun 2005, 7:49 PM
It's about the way I ask.
replying on Last Night by Roisin
24 Jun 2005, 9:22 AM
A jumper is a dress, designed to "jump" over a blouse.
replying on A Righteous Prayer by Dovina
24 Jun 2005, 9:14 AM
I think the grammar issue goes back to our disagreement on punctuation. I omit commas at the ends of lines, thinking a pause is inferred there, where you say they are needed. See how these sentences look grammically when the inferred commas are added.
"Grant now my petitions, for which I make claim."
"I bring humbly before You all those lofty ideals I’ve kept, with passion for religion, as tools for advancement."
"As Your Word admonishes, I now beseech, ..."
Granted, the grammar is a bit awkward for prose, but for poetry, I think it's acceptable.
"Grant now my petitions, for which I make claim."
"I bring humbly before You all those lofty ideals I’ve kept, with passion for religion, as tools for advancement."
"As Your Word admonishes, I now beseech, ..."
Granted, the grammar is a bit awkward for prose, but for poetry, I think it's acceptable.
replying on Father’s Day by Dovina
24 Jun 2005, 8:39 AM
Yes, it can be taken that way, and to some degree I intend it so in order to jar people. The fact that they dispute having an unchangable and ugly core is a step in the right direction.
replying on Sandia Plain by Dovina
24 Jun 2005, 8:34 AM
My first "sentence" has no verb. It's just a series of descriptive phrases, designed to set a scene. The others are, as you say, a bunch of phrases with a verb, maybe boring, but defendabled as prose.
on How Well I See by Blue Magpie
24 Jun 2005, 5:45 AM
It's difficult to handle an issue like this effectively in a form like this, but I think you've done well.
replying on Drama by QuirkyWonder
23 Jun 2005, 7:17 PM
But good poetry about drama is. :-)
on Mountain Gorillas by Blue Magpie
23 Jun 2005, 7:15 PM
It seems the title is wrong because it's about her, what she did.
on Drama by QuirkyWonder
23 Jun 2005, 7:11 PM
Could be said in half the words and be stronger.
on Yard Birds by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
23 Jun 2005, 6:39 PM
Not so for the egg this bird will someday lay, but we all say that is some way. Peck, peck.
on Family by Sunshine Conkey
23 Jun 2005, 6:31 PM
Good adult story too. The rhythm is so good in most of it that those lines that break it really stand out. For example, "Later that day, cooking the evening meal," leave out "evening."
replying on Father’s Day by Dovina
23 Jun 2005, 11:16 AM
Whatever the “core” of a man is, it is something that you and I are defining differently, perhaps reflecting a basic difference in our views of human nature. You say it’s unchangeable; I say the mind has power over it to change it. By noticing the symptoms of a bitter core in early old-age, a man or a woman can take action. I believe we change the way old age is spent. The key is look at one’s self, to be aware.
replying on Sandia Plain by Dovina
23 Jun 2005, 11:01 AM
2) But my sentences have so many words, so many subordinate clauses, so many look-alike elements, so orderly, so neat, so rational, so boring.
replying on Sandia Plain by Dovina
22 Jun 2005, 10:32 AM
Sun-dried mud bricks is a synonym, but too long. Yes, it's a documentory. I'd hoped it would also sound poetic, but I guess it doesn't.
replying on Sandia Plain by Dovina
22 Jun 2005, 10:29 AM
The Sandia Plain is a fictitious name for the desert lying west of the Sandia Mountains in New Mexico, east of the Rio Grande.
on on passing through some small town by Dental Panic
21 Jun 2005, 7:20 PM
Much better. I wonder why just some of the sentences begin with capitals.
on Rise (incomplete) by Miracle
21 Jun 2005, 9:56 AM
I'm not sure you know exactly what you want to say.
on Wash by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
21 Jun 2005, 9:53 AM
"woven plants hung on my body to cover the base creature I claim not to be" - Good line.
replying on Eulogy for a Poet by Dovina
21 Jun 2005, 9:36 AM
That's a very kind and generous offer, but I try to avoid such goings-on with married men.
More importantly, your first comment shows that you do not know what this is about.