Comments byDovina, 2841–2860 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on Horatio by april fool 26 May 2005, 8:30 AM
The third verse seems weak compared to the rest.

You have 9 open and 8 closed. Remove the first open in the second line. If you'd used my method this would not have happened.
replying on Semite to Semite by PodPoet 24 May 2005, 6:48 PM
To honor The other's dignity is good. But "To honor and worship The other's dignity"? Nope, that goes too far in the direction of impossibility.
replying on Making a Mark by andrew barnes 24 May 2005, 1:14 PM
Since humanity would probably survive any of these potential catastrophies, why would some conspiracy theory say otherwise, and if there is immortality, why would it matter how we die?
replying on After a Show at the Lyceum by andrew barnes 24 May 2005, 12:58 PM
I meant, leave out "in it"
replying on MTV's The Real World: Poemranker by Bluemonkey 24 May 2005, 12:54 PM
Write something so powerful you want to puke.
on Untitled by camperdfl 24 May 2005, 11:29 AM
Yes, sweet retribution. Kill him, that'll fix the matter.
on Semite to Semite by PodPoet 24 May 2005, 11:26 AM
You should set off the refrain some way, indented perhaps, Maybe call this a lyric. Most of this is good, but "worship" goes too far.
on MTV's The Real World: Poemranker by Bluemonkey 24 May 2005, 11:14 AM
Wish I could do that.
on Kerri & Terri by jessicazee 24 May 2005, 10:55 AM
"skim layers of skin" - that lava soap did that. Didn't know you lived next door.
on The Jesus Belt by Caducus 24 May 2005, 10:49 AM
Good. Just a few take-it-or-leave-its:
"and belief turned lies"?
"A father's seed"?
"made to bleed"?
replying on Swoon by Dovina 24 May 2005, 10:18 AM
Even a lobotomized logician’s got feelings.
replying on Swoon by Dovina 23 May 2005, 7:18 PM
Now it's my turn to say, calm down.

I’ll admit to indulging in what (correct if I misinterpret) you see as possibly feminist words. I don’t like to think of them as feminist (meaning to promote female esteem) but rather feminine (expressing a female point of view). I don’t want this poem seen as a position that favors women. Rather I want it to show how a woman feels when a man is sensitive enough to say words that raise her self-respect and make her feel that he sees more in her than she previously saw in herself, and in addition when he connects her with her history.

A woman might have provided that for me or a gay man (I have a couple of gay friends) but when added to the conversation, I feel the nuzzle of his nose on my ear, and purely masculine emotional support, well, the thing was overwhelming.
replying on Swoon by Dovina 23 May 2005, 5:30 PM
I’m sorry for referring to you as a woman in some of my comments. Don’t know where I got that.

The poem is all one sentence, hence the “and”’s connecting its parts, and the ? at the end.

I don’t know why you think “sensible, respectful, fun” is an explicit line. They were his words while I leaned back against him and he talked of my connection with the women in my ancestry while we looked at the city hall which my great grandfather promoted during his service to the city in 1890. The man I was with likened me to my great grandmother in such a historically compelling way that I almost could not stand.
on Spontaneous Combustion by wilco 23 May 2005, 3:47 PM
Sounds like a Willie Nelson wail.
replying on Swoon by Dovina 23 May 2005, 3:43 PM
Yep, and thanks.
on Swoon by Dovina 23 May 2005, 1:56 PM
Thank you, rockmage, for your timely and predictable response. By the way, did you read the poem?
on Return by windyone 23 May 2005, 12:29 PM
Too sappy for general appreciation.
on After a Show at the Lyceum by andrew barnes 23 May 2005, 12:24 PM
Nice.
"revelling in it" -> "reveling"
on Making a Mark by andrew barnes 23 May 2005, 12:14 PM
An interesting scenario of possible outcomes. The ending seems wrong though, because some traces of humanity would doubtless remain. And immortality having a time limit is just mis-worded.