replying on A Better God by Dovina
26 Oct 2004, 10:15 AM
Oh I see, you want me to replace my gross error, "My creatures will discover all that Iâve made quite pleasing and right" with your sublime, "My creatures will find all the things that I've made quite pleasing and right".
replying on Withering Rose by Imago
25 Oct 2004, 8:54 PM
I didn't mean to hurt your head, and I knew what you meant. Those lines were not well stated, that was all.
on Withering Rose by Imago
25 Oct 2004, 3:17 PM
Some good thoughts here, but lack of precision detracts. In verse 1, beauty does not make things like homes. In vers 2, "and this the state i've found you" doesn't add anything. Verse 3 is good. In Verse 4, "How time has shown it's presence" lacks meaning.. . .
on Unwanted by Fire_is_cool
25 Oct 2004, 3:10 PM
The commas are mostly not right. This is not really a poem, but a statement in prose, a missive.
on Vesper Song by M Hamill
25 Oct 2004, 2:02 PM
The first two lines say almost nothing. They set a dull pace which does not improve very much.
on You by Fire_is_cool
25 Oct 2004, 1:59 PM
If you want to post a new poem, please do so. But when you pose a new poem as a revision of an old poem, the old comments look crazy.
on what a load by the outhouse poet
25 Oct 2004, 1:47 PM
From an outhouse at a campground long ago. Not original.
replying on A Better God by Dovina
25 Oct 2004, 11:28 AM
#2, for example, is an alright use of the word "discover" because they discover what god has made (step 1) and find it pleasing (step 2). It's a poem for god's sake, not a technical writing on science and religion.
replying on A Better God by Dovina
24 Oct 2004, 6:30 PM
No, I would only metafail under this scenario, which brings us back to what Jroday and I are saying.
replying on Bra in a Bar by Dovina
24 Oct 2004, 12:09 PM
A good poem from the other side of the bar and another side of life.
replying on Bra in a Bar by Dovina
24 Oct 2004, 9:42 AM
somehow "good" and "upscale" seem contracdictory.
replying on Bra in a Bar by Dovina
24 Oct 2004, 9:41 AM
"trapped in a horseshoe" What's that? Thanks.
replying on A Better God by Dovina
24 Oct 2004, 9:32 AM
while a few of your points make some kind of sense, this is mostly ill-conceived nonsense unworthy of your time and my response.
replying on A Better God by Dovina
24 Oct 2004, 9:30 AM
Not a bad suggestion on S2, L1.
"Praise sought" is sought by God. That seems to be one of His desires. "Praise uttered," then is a human response. Thanks for your thoughts.
"Praise sought" is sought by God. That seems to be one of His desires. "Praise uttered," then is a human response. Thanks for your thoughts.
replying on A Better God by Dovina
23 Oct 2004, 1:26 PM
I have to admit the beat got irregular, but I kept the offset lines for what beat there is.
replying on A Better God by Dovina
23 Oct 2004, 1:23 PM
See what I mean.
replying on A Better God by Dovina
23 Oct 2004, 10:59 AM
Thank you, that's true, but it's still pleasant to hear. I might add that insults slammed at poets and poetry (I'm speaking of others, not you) form no part of the quality of those people or their work. Calling someone dim, for example, or his poetry shit, has no relevance to useful criticism or evaluation.