on some deleted poem
17 Oct 2005, 1:06 PM
challis = chalice.
Other than that, fascinating, I'm not sure I understand; but worth another read.
Other than that, fascinating, I'm not sure I understand; but worth another read.
on Loving An Angel by Brego
18 Oct 2005, 5:39 AM
but why do you keep the pointless capitalization? It's not even uniform... in a sentence like this, for instance,
'If it was just a dream or a Foolish fantasy,'
there's absolutely no necessity to capitalize within the sentence.
'If it was just a dream or a Foolish fantasy,'
there's absolutely no necessity to capitalize within the sentence.
on Farm animals by INTRANSIT
20 Oct 2005, 6:57 AM
This is a beautiful poem; I love it more each subsequent read.
However, I don't really think this is a 'ghazal' by definition, at least by the links on this site. The opening couplet doesn't rhyme (or does it?), and the last lines of each couplet definitely don't rhyme.
However, I don't really think this is a 'ghazal' by definition, at least by the links on this site. The opening couplet doesn't rhyme (or does it?), and the last lines of each couplet definitely don't rhyme.
on when i make sculpture by ay deee
26 Oct 2005, 11:20 AM
stalactite or stalagmite, not stalagtite. :-)
Good work!
Good work!
on MOMENTS From A Madman's Mind by PsydewaysTears
28 Oct 2005, 9:53 AM
I would change 'Can not you taste' to the more correct 'Can you not taste'.
on The cold shoulder by <~>
28 Oct 2005, 10:05 AM
Lovely work.
on Remembrance by Caducus
28 Oct 2005, 10:10 AM
I knew I was going to read something good just from the author and title, and I wasn't disappointed. Great work :-).
on Remember me she said by Caducus
28 Oct 2005, 10:11 AM
rised = rose.
on Light within darkness by Caducus
3 Dec 2005, 3:30 AM
"braille", not "brail".
on Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy
16 Dec 2005, 2:42 AM
Heh. Jabberwock was the first thing that came to mind. Very nice :-)
on Lost Identity by TLRufener
17 Dec 2005, 6:12 AM
I find the rhythm a little bit stilted.
The well-defined rhythm of these four lines:
"Iâve read this before,
Time and again;
But I canât seem to find
Where this nightmare ends."
doesn't quite seem to match the rather asymmetric last line of
"I have lost myself
To a savage beast.
I canât run fast enough
To escape their carnivorous feast."
A little fixing-up would make the poem flow more smoothly, in my opinion.
The well-defined rhythm of these four lines:
"Iâve read this before,
Time and again;
But I canât seem to find
Where this nightmare ends."
doesn't quite seem to match the rather asymmetric last line of
"I have lost myself
To a savage beast.
I canât run fast enough
To escape their carnivorous feast."
A little fixing-up would make the poem flow more smoothly, in my opinion.
on Ennui by Sisterwolf
30 Dec 2005, 3:28 AM
Excellent poem :-) and I'd do just that, if only there were no lectures to attend...
on Ennui by Sisterwolf
30 Dec 2005, 3:30 AM
P.S. I feel this version is much better than the previous one, which I found somewhat muddled.
on Don't Touch Me! by elderking
30 Dec 2005, 3:15 AM
Interesting, I liked the poem. I also enjoyed the occasional alliteration :-)
on Shadow's Stride by D. $ Fontera
31 Dec 2005, 4:02 AM
Last stanza is nice. I don't get the first two...
on some deleted poem
31 Dec 2005, 4:10 AM
Very nice :-) it was a pleasure.
The only adjective that jarred on me a little was the veteran's "porcelain face". Porcelain, to me, carries associations of something smooth, white and unblemished; which doesn't fit too well with the withered skin of the old man.
The only adjective that jarred on me a little was the veteran's "porcelain face". Porcelain, to me, carries associations of something smooth, white and unblemished; which doesn't fit too well with the withered skin of the old man.
on ghost host by elderking
31 Dec 2005, 4:12 AM
Good job. I don't really care for the title, though; it detracts from the rhyme in the last stanza.
on Desperate Season by Sisterwolf
31 Dec 2005, 4:24 AM
I thought the last stanza was excellent :-) and the poem as a whole is great.
a little criticism: I don't care for the stanza before last. It adds no additional feeling or tone to the poem, changes its descriptive flow, and I feel it could easily be dropped altogether.
I enjoy reading your work, Sister; keep writing!
a little criticism: I don't care for the stanza before last. It adds no additional feeling or tone to the poem, changes its descriptive flow, and I feel it could easily be dropped altogether.
I enjoy reading your work, Sister; keep writing!
My questions are, why pigeon? Why dove (and please, let it not be purity and peace, cause that's way too hackneyed...) and what is the significance of exchanging feathers?