Why did I call you a teenager?
The average grown-up gives up on such pipe dreams as rock stardom and instead focuses on sounding smarter by learning multisyllable words and talking down to teenagers. We envy your innocence but alas at 17 it won't be long before you join the throng of us fuddy-duddies.

But really kid, you don't learn to skate by throwing yourself down the halfpipe and not expect to get hurt and ridiculed a little. Get yourself a collection of great poetry book or two and read it and study poetic methods (I mean without looking it up. What's an onomatopoeia or alliteration? You use a lot of one and in this poem maybe should use some of the other.) You'd be surprised how much of poetry is just a calculated trick.

Does this sound better to you?

In the music studio in my mind,
the window vibes to every beat
every rhyme and reason strung by bass
strumming, humming, buzzing in my teeth
lead guitar sings and wails and sails
I kiss the mic. A taste of metal and cocaine
Pyrotechnics blaze, my lungs bellow
hordes of chords into the sky
and from the crowd a thunder cloud
for the band, their hands give praise
We are gods of the stage
till I awake to the quiet rage of reality.

Just tricks of poetry. Rhyme, Metaphor, Symbolism, alliteration, etc.

Bye the way some of your poems are pretty good. I just wish you knew why.

My poem includes words such as pimp, bitches, cocaine and motherfucker. If this is what reminds you of 5 year olds then I would suggest you get some serious psychiatric help.

If you're replying to the comment I made on your poem. I would suggest you click the little green reply link in the corner of my comment beneath your poem. Post whatever remark your teenage mind can muster but for God sakes stop stalking everyone who says something you don't like. Ya sicko.

I think it's when you use K-Y jelly and you forget to wash it off and it dries and hardens.

Don't worry. Your first reaction is expected and somewhat intended. It only means you're normal. Irony can do that in a poem. It is kinda racist for a white dude (me) to criticize black people for their self image. So you're not waaaaaay off.

Oh, you are upset because I gave your poem "politics" a goose-egg. I just thought you sucked and LL Cool J did it better. :(

That's 'cause I eat mostly corn. But really I think it's quite beautiful and funny. If you promise not to tell...-10-

"The most logical interpretation is not always right". No it's just logical.
Forgive me if you feel I pooped on your poem but that's what us robins do.
I actually think it's some of the best stuff you've written this week.

Then you'll just love this:
http://www.lyricskeeper.com/david_alan_coe-lyrics/124442-nigger_fucker-lyrics.htm

You're not a Catholic priest are you?

I didn't mean personal isolationism. I meant democrats are the homemakers of the country. Republicans take care of the business.
So democrats are like women in the 1950s.

Personally I think both parties are old fashioned.

I like your interpretation better. A much more subtle, less offensive take than what I was thinking but I think you still get the gist.
For every black person trying to progress there's two more pulling in the opposite direction. Black people are still being held down by there own misconceptions of themselves and self imposed stereotypes. I was inspired by the words of such men as Frederick Douglass, Booker T. Washington and Bill Cosby.
The caged bird is stolen from Mia Angelo and used in this poem to represent a married or seriously involved black man yearning for freedom to spread his seed to the white pussy. You see how this is probably not what Ms Angelo had in mind. -Bwahahahaa!- Ms Angelo.

I'm sure I've heard the song before but I can't remember it. I tried to find it on the web to listen to but have yet to find a sample in which she is singing. Throw me a link if you find something.

The spacing and indentations are just my homage to the time honored Poemranker tradition.

Who did write "gimme a pigsfoot and a bottle of beer"?
I'm not a Jew. I'm Black Irish with a little Native American thrown in. Can you imagine the amount of alcohol I've consumed.

I do love the blues though.

Very Freudian indeed:
Comes
slides in slowly
cocks a massive beak
settles on a post
sweetly coming/ deeply
Peaks/glisten
lapping/below

I can live with the on/off rhyming.
I just think it needs more info (more stanzas even) to clarify the meaning.