on Win, Win, Lose, Lose by Dovina
22 Jun 2007, 11:44 PM
very bleak - and arrogant...I like it!
on Within myself waiting for a call by jessicazee
21 Jun 2007, 4:04 PM
Are you sitting cross-legged? For the first few words are very vague as to their meaning - we all have ankles, what is it yours are doing?
All capitol letters should be demoted immediately, and only given the right to become bigger when requested. Don't be so lazy as to let Word write your lines for you! This is the third or fourth poem I've come across today with idleness stamped all over it. Switch to notepad, take back control...OK that said this is fabulous, loving it. A little jumpy but still full marks for writing with substance.
on Fourty Caliber Thirty Pack by drnick
21 Jun 2007, 4:28 PM
very vivid - I'm betting this is a truthful account. You have twisted some interesting lines. Nice work.
on essence of a thought by lmp
22 Jun 2007, 11:31 PM
I am torn between wanting you to change the rhyme scheme to uniform and saying what the fuck - it's a brilliant piece of work...ah!! screw it - you know this is good! :)
on some deleted poem
22 Jun 2007, 11:33 PM
Isn't that standard practice for any religious doctrine?
on Tirade of a Venetian Ghost by MacFrantic
22 Jun 2007, 11:41 PM
Was this a suicidal ghost?
on You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper
23 Jun 2007, 10:02 AM
Just a heads up - I wrote this a few years ago one lunch time while watching a group of white-middle-class Aussie kids actin' all ghetto.
on The Young Girl From Khartoum by Edna Sweetlove
25 Jun 2007, 11:15 AM
what did she call it
on some deleted poem
25 Jun 2007, 11:19 AM
horrific - perfectly so
on An Honest Transaction by Christof
25 Jun 2007, 4:45 PM
At first read I thought this was set in a Catholic Church...then a pub..but really it doesn't matter it's the lack of conviction in the character that holds the sting...Nice work.
on Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22
25 Jun 2007, 5:12 PM
I like the movement of this poem and there's no arguing with the logic, the idea or the squirming way of attempting to justify to the youth what the hell we are all playing at - but Alex seems to get very smart, his final words are more what an adult making a speech would say - rather than the natural conclusion from a 7th grader...do you know what I mean? I do like the whole thing, it's just something kinda contrived maybe, about the last part...
on My Isolation by clarke1975
27 Jun 2007, 4:22 PM
For a lyric in this day and age it fits what else is out there. Not bad, but if you write lyrics often you are going to have to be more creative.
on some deleted poem
27 Jun 2007, 4:26 PM
How about - Waiting on the ground -
on (Title pending) by INTRANSIT
27 Jun 2007, 4:47 PM
Great! now we have it in writing :)
on Ladies by MacFrantic
27 Jun 2007, 4:49 PM
Lyrics? Has a sing-song feel to it
on some deleted poem
28 Jun 2007, 4:12 PM
there is such a dreadful certainty here - I like that
on Proposterosity by lexxie100
28 Jun 2007, 4:17 PM
you could cut this a bit - drop some of the filler words, tighten it up. Not sure where you are going with it - abuse is the only real image I can get...
on The Riddle by lexxie100
28 Jun 2007, 4:22 PM
If there is a riddle here - I can't get it...Hidden messages in poems work the best when not even hinted at...I find the flow a bit messy too...but you got me curious???