on Sissy Faggot by Shardik
17 Dec 2004, 11:54 PM
This poem rules. 10.
on My Time In Jail by Brittanyy
3 Feb 2005, 11:42 PM
Love the line about your shoes.
on Amphetamine Witches & Scrabble by Bachus
3 Mar 2005, 1:06 AM
Scrap the first stanza, albeit with my fair regards- the rest I be liking. 8.9
on some deleted poem
3 Mar 2005, 1:11 AM
Line 3 is too wordy - still I think this has potential - also, consider omitting the "inspired by" addition - it just takes away from your creation. we're all inspired by things - that's what the definition of "poet" is. Let your poem reflect that inspiration, with hopes it inspires another.
on some deleted poem
6 Mar 2005, 11:01 PM
If you could haiku it, 10. As is, 9. I re-read 4 times.
on The Privaleged by i_am_the_popsicle
6 Mar 2005, 11:06 PM
spelling problems:
priveleged
luxury
coerced
7.9 regardless
priveleged
luxury
coerced
7.9 regardless
on Reasonably Good by Dovina
23 Mar 2005, 12:05 AM
Get rid of the spaces between stanzas--what is space anyway but the thing that separates us? I'm drunk, I like this, 9.3.
on The Game of Categories by jessicazee
22 Mar 2005, 11:04 PM
This poem sucks ass, I wrote it and had no edits, sorry you even read far enough to see this comment. I am ashamed. D'oh.
on Cold Turkey by johnnyfontaine23
22 Mar 2005, 11:06 PM
Make this a prose poem and it will rock, after you add a few more lines. Potential.
on The conflict begin by luzrheroguy
22 Mar 2005, 11:09 PM
Third stanza is rocking me...First one, line 4 almost stopped me from going on...try to keep the contractions to a minimum. Also, the title's grammatical problem needs to be addressed. Nonetheless, I still like it. 7.5.
on Tribulations of the ear and eye by oneglove
22 Mar 2005, 11:13 PM
Dude, this is a good story. And I hardly ever call anyone dude. A suggestion: keep the format, but punctuate everything if you are going to use quotes. Make it more like a dialogue in a story, with periods and commas. It will be easier to understand. 8.7.
on Kansas City by PodPoet
11 Apr 2005, 11:48 PM
I wanted more...another 5 lines, please. 9
on some deleted poem
11 Apr 2005, 11:52 PM
Get rid of all the ellipses(...)...
The title rules. Made me read it twice. Made me want to delete the last 4 lines just because, don't hate me, but they sound like something Johnny Depp will say in "Pirates of the Caribbean 7". Also, you're not so subtly channeling Poe. Regardless, I like it. 8.5
The title rules. Made me read it twice. Made me want to delete the last 4 lines just because, don't hate me, but they sound like something Johnny Depp will say in "Pirates of the Caribbean 7". Also, you're not so subtly channeling Poe. Regardless, I like it. 8.5
on some deleted poem
16 Apr 2005, 9:42 PM
I read it alound to my cat, he licked himself. Love it. 9
on Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT
16 Apr 2005, 11:09 PM
I think the first phrase should have a question mark, and I also want to hear real colors of the "brightly colored fish" at the end (i.e. fuschia? chartreuse?) but wholly I'm lovin' this. 9.4
on I do... Not! by Billy Fights
27 Apr 2005, 1:02 AM
Great song lyrics. Do you play an instrument? 9
on Untitled by nothingtoanyone
27 Apr 2005, 1:05 AM
Love "darkened yellow". Wished you could stray from "cry" and "high" rhyme scheme, but still was pulled in by beautiful line geometry anyhoo....8.3
on Somehow, Hope by DeadtotheWorld
27 Apr 2005, 1:09 AM
I kind of get where you're coming from...but to make it more accessible (without, I think, losing your mysteriousness)...omit the capitalized "Sweet" and "Endeavor" and maybe replace with more concrete sentiment...i.e. colors/places/smells that are real to you...will make your excellent last two lines more meaningful. So close.
on am i right? by celticskatermatt1
27 Apr 2005, 1:13 AM
2nd line...should be "you're" instead of "your". You have so much feeling here...try to relate it to us in real language...pretend like you are telling your best friend how you feel in this poem in real words, instead of trying to "write a poem." Because I think you can. More, please.