on Coffee or Love by Nepanthe
11 Sep 2008, 3:14 AM
Love it.
on some deleted poem
24 May 2007, 6:58 AM
Wal-Mart demolished my childhood mini-golf course.
on I had no idea it could be so good by A. Nomaly
28 Apr 2008, 9:36 PM
This might be better in 4 lines:
circumstance and one gone away
in the next room, zebra stripped, cat
for a dream
and some Taurus, blank
or I don't know. I liked it so much I re-typed it. 9. Don't you miss the loudness of the electric typrwriter?
circumstance and one gone away
in the next room, zebra stripped, cat
for a dream
and some Taurus, blank
or I don't know. I liked it so much I re-typed it. 9. Don't you miss the loudness of the electric typrwriter?
on some deleted poem
28 Apr 2008, 9:39 PM
I'm impressed, and read this 3 times, liking it better every time. That 2nd stanza two-line opening is stunning, the yolk to the albumen of this poem. Thanks for posting, and the backstory must be epic.
on some deleted poem
6 Jun 2007, 2:31 AM
I'll give this a 1 even though you gave me a zero for mine.
Okay, a 6. Because flash and stash are nice words.
Okay, a 6. Because flash and stash are nice words.
on Radio Scan by Blindproject217
10 Mar 2008, 11:56 PM
I dig this. But check your punctuation...i.e. "I'll (line 11), it's (13), that's (14), it's (16), etc., and a few typos ("all the little things that I made me leave"). Dang, I'm a nitpicky editor monster now, but I only take the time because with some editing you've got something here. 8.
on Absurd Robot by Nepanthe
10 Mar 2008, 11:58 PM
Make it less about you (i.e. "I") and let someone else dance to a cosmic beat. Love it. 9.
on Paper Maker by Skamper
24 Mar 2007, 4:56 AM
some good lines --- 2nd stanza's first words over-prepositional, maybe marry up a few lines? Love: "with shoulder-shrug cares"; "try to stick them/felt-tipped". Good.
on Prince of Void by Dovina
18 Apr 2007, 12:01 AM
I love the second line. I keep reading it. The word "bleak" is, uh, onomonapeida (sp?), yeah. Duh, you know what I mean and I won a trophy for spelling in 7th grade, but it phonetically intersects with its meaning? Is that the word? Or does that mean the word is the actual sound, like "beep"? God I love pot.
Also,I kind of see a empty space between the last two lines?
P.S. Funny aside: the first time I read this I thought 5th line read: "uncoupled from his sNoring"; hee.
Also,I kind of see a empty space between the last two lines?
P.S. Funny aside: the first time I read this I thought 5th line read: "uncoupled from his sNoring"; hee.
on some deleted poem
18 Apr 2007, 12:16 AM
That bum is me.
on new clothes, same old story by nypoet22
26 Apr 2007, 2:48 AM
do you mean castanets? (sp I think?) Like the finger cymbals? Or maybe I don't know what a castinette is? Serious.
Also, I love the last line so much. Could omit both periods.
Also, I love the last line so much. Could omit both periods.
on some deleted poem
10 May 2007, 11:35 PM
Is this about me? Because I thought I told you not to tell anyone about the "ass to face" thing.
on The Editor by Dovina
10 May 2007, 11:37 PM
drop everything except for the fruit stuff. LOVE: "their bent and pretty form."
on Just Another Reason by Skamper
22 Jun 2007, 12:05 AM
Just write the word "until" instaead of "'til" for greater effect..., also, not a big deal but offspring in line 12 needs a "f"... I feel like the last 3 lines deserve more? Maybe incorporate them into your very strong intro? 8
on The Least of These by Dovina
20 Dec 2007, 11:29 PM
I repeated "a stranger warmly fed" a few times out loud. Good feelings.
Didn't love "as sickly kids in Pakistan" (to clarify, I LOVE those kids), but not sure your specificity there works.
Last stanza's first two lines are as striking and good-ending-y as it comes, but the last line seems out-of-place? Really liked this, thanks for making me think, inspirational. 9
Didn't love "as sickly kids in Pakistan" (to clarify, I LOVE those kids), but not sure your specificity there works.
Last stanza's first two lines are as striking and good-ending-y as it comes, but the last line seems out-of-place? Really liked this, thanks for making me think, inspirational. 9
on some deleted poem
23 Aug 2007, 2:12 AM
I had to school myself Wikipedia-style about Senryu --
"SenryÅ« (å·æ³, literally 'river willow') is a Japanese form of short poetry similar to haiku in construction: three lines with 17 or fewer morae [typo in Wikipedia or omission? maybe someone can explain?] (not syllables) in total. However, senryÅ« tend to be about human foibles while haiku tend to be about nature, and senryÅ« are often cynical or darkly humorous while haiku are serious. SenryÅ« do not need to include a kigo, or season word, like haiku."
Anyway, I think I can hereforth only speak and write in Senryu. My foibles have been bursting to find a proper outlet, and damn, am I sick of writing those serious, nature-based haiku.
P.S. thank you
"SenryÅ« (å·æ³, literally 'river willow') is a Japanese form of short poetry similar to haiku in construction: three lines with 17 or fewer morae [typo in Wikipedia or omission? maybe someone can explain?] (not syllables) in total. However, senryÅ« tend to be about human foibles while haiku tend to be about nature, and senryÅ« are often cynical or darkly humorous while haiku are serious. SenryÅ« do not need to include a kigo, or season word, like haiku."
Anyway, I think I can hereforth only speak and write in Senryu. My foibles have been bursting to find a proper outlet, and damn, am I sick of writing those serious, nature-based haiku.
P.S. thank you
on Decks of Cards (So Long to the City) by wilco
11 Sep 2007, 1:35 AM
i want you to kiss my mouth; it is pretty
on some deleted poem
11 Sep 2007, 1:36 AM
No, thank YOU for the finger food, and I barely even ever make capital letters. yes.
on 9 Things to Eat for Breakfast & Why by A. Nomaly
17 Feb 2009, 10:53 PM
awesome