on Oops by John Rambo
24 Mar 2007, 4:51 AM
I love the word "sac".
on Settling In by jessicazee
24 Mar 2007, 4:49 AM
You rule.
on Reincarnation by Dovina
10 Mar 2007, 3:13 AM
I love "tiniest bugs", then it looks like long division, until "Nero", then a sudoku (sp?) puzzle, then the best line I've seen lately: "in poet, leaf, or dog__", yay and yay. 9
on The Laws of Life by lrustagi
1 Mar 2007, 3:04 AM
Courageous (sp?) and well-tought-out. 8.9
replying on Remembering Nick by jessicazee
1 Mar 2007, 2:54 AM
thank you for finally saying that. I totally have to change it to "Remebering My Doctor".
P.S. What about Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran?
P.S. What about Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran?
on Lucky by suejonespoetry
14 Oct 2005, 1:07 AM
One more thing after reading this again --- you are a great writer, and I mean that because I heard you say this out loud; if not here in my room, but the way you say your words without backpedaling. Yeah.
on Lucky by suejonespoetry
14 Oct 2005, 1:04 AM
Omit the 1st 3 stanzas, they don't matter for for real writing out loud; after that, very good --- keep expressing that tough, genuine voice. Don't let your wallflower alter-ego write prefacing disclaimers for your really right-on, deadpan visions that speak for themselves. good job. 8.6
on Creatures That Crawl To Me by D P Robertson
14 Oct 2005, 12:52 AM
Seriously? And your name at the end? Wo. Seek help. Hee.
Redeeming qualities: the line "choking in kelp" is totally excellent, as is "gather your ghosts on liquid graves".
Not good ideas: repeating the word "creatures" ad nauseam (weird, but not in a good way?) and forced-feeling line breaks throughout, especially in the last stanza, which is actually focused, but over-importantly broken up for no good reason. Edit please, but still a good 7.8 for effort. Read it 3 times in fact.
Redeeming qualities: the line "choking in kelp" is totally excellent, as is "gather your ghosts on liquid graves".
Not good ideas: repeating the word "creatures" ad nauseam (weird, but not in a good way?) and forced-feeling line breaks throughout, especially in the last stanza, which is actually focused, but over-importantly broken up for no good reason. Edit please, but still a good 7.8 for effort. Read it 3 times in fact.
replying on My First Boyfriend by jessicazee
9 Oct 2005, 8:24 PM
zodiac- shut UP. thanks so much, really, b'cause I think yr stuff is , like, stick-in-my-heady and good too. Ew, like, let's have a poemy stroke session, yuh, hee. But I do post on this site for critique, so feel free. I'll do the same.
on Song of the cannonball ( a drinking song) by INTRANSIT
30 Aug 2005, 10:11 PM
I'll kis YOU with a powder burn! What a great line. You had me at "drinking song".
on Summer Song by wilco
30 Aug 2005, 10:10 PM
oops - i mispelled "apostrophe" - it still looks wrong?
on Summer Song by wilco
30 Aug 2005, 10:09 PM
A few suggestions: put the apostrohe before the s in "summers'"; say more about the girl - what does she look like?; use the word "linger" only once, twice makes me not listen. What I love: "All of the cars, black as they pass by your house"; "Satellites ride across the heavens like stars". 8.7
replying on Waiting Room by jessicazee
14 Aug 2005, 1:19 AM
Wha?
replying on Waiting Room by jessicazee
11 Aug 2005, 6:51 PM
What a nice thing to say. Thanks so much! I needed that today, and I may even be motivated to finally get all my shit together & make a little book. Thank you!
replying on Suicide by jessicazee
31 Jul 2005, 5:38 PM
Ain't you sweet, like a 2-liter of Sun Country wine cooler. Thanks.
replying on My Golden Birthday by jessicazee
28 Jul 2005, 1:17 AM
Stephen - Is a "nappy" a diaper for Brits? Not sure if you're tossing a riddled compliment or telling me you're disappointed?
Others -- thanks for the nice feedback.
Others -- thanks for the nice feedback.
on A Good Man Ruined by Dovina
20 Jul 2005, 7:46 PM
tell me why buildable is awesome in the beginning and I will begin to care. I think you have a grand character sketch here if you give it another go.