on Somehow, Hope by DeadtotheWorld
27 Apr 2005, 1:09 AM
I kind of get where you're coming from...but to make it more accessible (without, I think, losing your mysteriousness)...omit the capitalized "Sweet" and "Endeavor" and maybe replace with more concrete sentiment...i.e. colors/places/smells that are real to you...will make your excellent last two lines more meaningful. So close.
on Untitled by nothingtoanyone
27 Apr 2005, 1:05 AM
Love "darkened yellow". Wished you could stray from "cry" and "high" rhyme scheme, but still was pulled in by beautiful line geometry anyhoo....8.3
on I do... Not! by Billy Fights
27 Apr 2005, 1:02 AM
Great song lyrics. Do you play an instrument? 9
on Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT
16 Apr 2005, 11:09 PM
I think the first phrase should have a question mark, and I also want to hear real colors of the "brightly colored fish" at the end (i.e. fuschia? chartreuse?) but wholly I'm lovin' this. 9.4
on Kansas City by PodPoet
11 Apr 2005, 11:48 PM
I wanted more...another 5 lines, please. 9
replying on Camping, Volume 3 by jessicazee
23 Mar 2005, 12:12 AM
zodiac- thanks. I've admired your work here, so your compliment means lots. *warm feeling though cold, slipperless feet*
replying on Camping, Volume 3 by jessicazee
23 Mar 2005, 12:10 AM
Good ideas. I'll try them.
on Reasonably Good by Dovina
23 Mar 2005, 12:05 AM
Get rid of the spaces between stanzas--what is space anyway but the thing that separates us? I'm drunk, I like this, 9.3.
on Tribulations of the ear and eye by oneglove
22 Mar 2005, 11:13 PM
Dude, this is a good story. And I hardly ever call anyone dude. A suggestion: keep the format, but punctuate everything if you are going to use quotes. Make it more like a dialogue in a story, with periods and commas. It will be easier to understand. 8.7.
on The conflict begin by luzrheroguy
22 Mar 2005, 11:09 PM
Third stanza is rocking me...First one, line 4 almost stopped me from going on...try to keep the contractions to a minimum. Also, the title's grammatical problem needs to be addressed. Nonetheless, I still like it. 7.5.
on Cold Turkey by johnnyfontaine23
22 Mar 2005, 11:06 PM
Make this a prose poem and it will rock, after you add a few more lines. Potential.
on The Game of Categories by jessicazee
22 Mar 2005, 11:04 PM
This poem sucks ass, I wrote it and had no edits, sorry you even read far enough to see this comment. I am ashamed. D'oh.
on The Privaleged by i_am_the_popsicle
6 Mar 2005, 11:06 PM
spelling problems:
priveleged
luxury
coerced
7.9 regardless
priveleged
luxury
coerced
7.9 regardless
replying on You Fell Asleep First by jessicazee
6 Mar 2005, 10:58 PM
thanks for the ups. I have a new version, the title for now is 'you fell asleep first'...wanted to make it a new one but this site says I have to wait 2_hours_...I might be in my attic drinking whiskey by then...
on Amphetamine Witches & Scrabble by Bachus
3 Mar 2005, 1:06 AM
Scrap the first stanza, albeit with my fair regards- the rest I be liking. 8.9
replying on Never... by jessicazee
19 Feb 2005, 1:05 AM
thanks for the comments...probably silly because I wrote it on my birthday after I sprained my ankle, which I don't really remember..I need to edit...
replying on Lent Begins by jessicazee
14 Feb 2005, 5:24 PM
Here's what I hope is the final edit. Thanks for your kind words. And now, I open a beer, another Monday evening.
on My Time In Jail by Brittanyy
3 Feb 2005, 11:42 PM
Love the line about your shoes.
replying on Camping by jessicazee
19 Dec 2004, 11:31 PM
Thanks. I got a little trigger-happy the last few days with this one. I appreciate your comment.