on Conditional Sex by scitz
27 Dec 2020, 3:47 PM
Weak ending, some great characterization (enjoyed all the description of the palsied old lady- well done!)
on The Secrets Of Men by scitz
27 Dec 2020, 3:44 PM
Used rhyme inconsistently, which weakens the poem. Some good lines!
on The Order Of Things by Mr Pig
27 Dec 2020, 3:41 PM
Some good lines!
on Fall Of The Heartlands by Mr Pig
27 Dec 2020, 3:39 PM
Some excellent lines. The point really gets across. Not so great, does not fit: "And to the east I stare", and you have several misplaced commas. Definitely worth revising.
on A Moment In Nowhere by Mr Pig
27 Dec 2020, 3:35 PM
Some beautiful lines:
"Somewhere in the midst of nowhere"; "blackened in wet mascara" (I suggest by black mascara); and my favorite: " "She presented conversation like a guilty bouquet."
Some lines not nearly up to that level of excellence: "amongst the flowers" strikes a false note. Loved the ending! Humorous!
"Somewhere in the midst of nowhere"; "blackened in wet mascara" (I suggest by black mascara); and my favorite: " "She presented conversation like a guilty bouquet."
Some lines not nearly up to that level of excellence: "amongst the flowers" strikes a false note. Loved the ending! Humorous!
on Lovers leave their marks by scitz
27 Dec 2020, 3:30 PM
grammar needs fixing, tenses of verbs are not matching subjects, annoying, also too many cliches- and some jarring lines, like "Some men are pathetic, wearing emotional cosmetic". Some strong emotions are captured, worth reworking.
on First Love by Mr Pig
27 Dec 2020, 3:26 PM
I do not see how "insular" fits.
Liked the idea of the person being created by the lover the way a sculptor (or in this case sculptress) creates a ceramic piece. And carrying it through, where like a piece of terracotta, it crumbles into nothing.
Liked the idea of the person being created by the lover the way a sculptor (or in this case sculptress) creates a ceramic piece. And carrying it through, where like a piece of terracotta, it crumbles into nothing.
on Family Portrait by Mr Pig
27 Dec 2020, 3:21 PM
I'd call it a narrative poem-- captures the story really well--poignant. I enjoyed the irony in the last 4 lines.
on protest chant by nypoet22
26 Dec 2020, 6:19 PM
Enjoyed this! Pithy. Might even say "meaty"!
on protest chant by nypoet22
26 Dec 2020, 6:19 PM
Enjoyed this! Pithy. Might even say "meaty"!
on Year of the Cucumber by Dovina
26 Dec 2020, 6:15 PM
Enjoyed the thought and imagery. Loved the last line.
on Fragmental by Bill Z Bub
26 Dec 2020, 6:12 PM
Too opaque.
on Lovesick by impert&ent
26 Dec 2020, 6:11 PM
Cute!
on Paedophile at st catherine's by Mona Lisa
26 Dec 2020, 9:45 AM
Drawers full not draws.
Some very good lines.
Some very good lines.
on The Land of Back-to-Front by [mojo]
22 Dec 2020, 6:09 PM
Enjoyed it!
on Little Miss Ogyny by [mojo]
22 Dec 2020, 6:01 PM
Clever!
on Spit Factor by [mojo]
22 Dec 2020, 5:59 PM
Humorous! Like your last line!