Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

20 most recent comments by Jill Stockinger
See all comments, including replies to comments

Re: A Poet's Rifle by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:01 PM
you have a quill in the first line, a pen at the end- I think it would help to have "pen" in the first and last stanzas.
arctic has two c's in it. Could have a capital a for Arctic, but does not have to. Cute reworking of the sentiment "I'll give you my guns when you pry them from my cold, dead hands"-
Re: A wicked rose grows in God's grapevine. by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:06 PM
to stand is the opposite of being supine (2nd line)
child's toy add an apostrophe
I presume you are purposefully playing with the words faltered and faulted, deliberately combining them to coin a new word (faultered)?
Re: Musings: Willow Sculpture by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:10 PM
really liked "lachrymose blades" for the weeping willow's branches and leaves-and you provide a somewhat surprising, good ending!
Recommend using a colon after living statue. Semicolons are for joining 2 complete sentences.
Re: Padre's Gumbo by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:14 PM
Should be no comma in the second line.
Should be- is an image- (an, not a)

You might consider using "awarded the gold medal.", instead of "receiver of the gold medal"- just a suggestion.
Re: Pyrrhus smoked the sun by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:16 PM
I found the idea of "as boots scrape the last grains/ of our spirit into the receding ebbtide" a bit too opaque
Re: Dawns Blood Concealed by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:18 PM
candent veins- intense!
I don't see how suspense is ever really placid...
liked the ending1 Strong!
Re: The Sinners Saloon by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:19 PM
Recommend an apostrophe for Sinners' Saloon-
(Saloon of Sinners)--what do you have against apostrophes?
Good poem.
Re: The Pedagogue and his son by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:21 PM
it's a bitch...
you accidentally dropped the "n" in the word convince...
Re: maternal-infant bonding (rejection) by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:22 PM
mummie's milk...
found the poem funny, enjoyed it.
Re: I Have... by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:29 PM
like many of the lines, such as "forging art from thought by crafting verse.
The lines are uneven, some just do not match the craft of other lines...
need apostrophes in poet's's's's self-perfection
you do carry the argument through the whole poem...
Re: Eris, my blade, the accurst villanelle by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:33 PM
foe's flesh...cannot (one word)
shan't (shall not, a contraction)
like how you were careful with the metaphor (this poem is a blade) so it is fitting you would "sheathe" it if it does not sell-great last line!
Re: Indiana Jones and the Temple of 'shroom by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:34 PM
Shrooms! been a long time...
Re: Billy and the voices by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:35 PM
it's a matter
It's annoying

Pretty macabre!
Re: Death & the Twisted Tree by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:40 PM
You have the tree as a being when you used "who was a master of time" but switched to it being a thing or object in the next stanza, using "it" showed me- these need to match, not contradict.
a man's reality (apostrophe)Really like the lines: There is no end to these roads/ they are as twisted and coiled as I am. Beautiful! The last 2 lines are kind of a let down, I think, with awkward phrasing.
Re: Scarlet Wyvern by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:44 PM
father's old - I feel you use quick rhymes sometimes instead of finding or using better-crafted sentences, especially since you have a gift with words
Re: Vodka kisses & the final sigh, v.II (bloody vodka remix) by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:46 PM
cannot (one word) unless you think it is more "poetic" to keep them separated- I really do not think it is, I believe it just detracts from the flow.
bleedin' red...witherin'-saggin'-stirrin' ...
Re: Mr. America (Hunting Season) by SupremeDreamer 2-Jan-21/6:49 PM
In the second stanza, when you use the word daydreaming, grammatically it appears you are saying the dead rabbits are daydreaming...
No comma between decorated and with the head...
Re: A heart without keys by sliver 2-Jan-21/6:51 PM
I really liked the last 2 lines, like how it goes Against the common cliche of "key to my heart"
Re: The Maguswolf by SupremeDreamer 7-Jan-21/4:20 PM
Love the use of valetudinarian! You don't shrink from the hard words!
Re: Sparkling Rust by SupremeDreamer 21-Jan-21/1:07 PM
Ending is very powerful. Very sad.

1 point: you use "vhs tape called memory" and then you say "like and old film". They mean the same thing really, should change "like an old film" to something that differs more, I suggest.

Previous 20

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2022 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001