on some deleted poem
12 Sep 2004, 1:28 PM
Abso-fuckin-lutely!
on The Little Merman by avery
6 Sep 2004, 9:57 AM
Didn't get lost but shorter might be better.
on Soft and Pure by Dovina
10 Sep 2004, 8:09 AM
"Stroking his brows of sandy shade,
that earliest smoothness
with mustache and hair graying."
The poem starts here for me.
"A belief, a certainty?"
Everything you are trying to say in the first 2 1/2 lines should be told in this line.
Love the last stanza.
But criticism aside. It's a -10- as is.
that earliest smoothness
with mustache and hair graying."
The poem starts here for me.
"A belief, a certainty?"
Everything you are trying to say in the first 2 1/2 lines should be told in this line.
Love the last stanza.
But criticism aside. It's a -10- as is.
on Daddy by LintyWeenis
12 Sep 2004, 10:09 AM
Says it very well. -10-
The lack of a space after the period might be a device to create a sense of urgency. I'd like to see it used uniformly if that's what it's for. Anyway you look at it -10-.
The lack of a space after the period might be a device to create a sense of urgency. I'd like to see it used uniformly if that's what it's for. Anyway you look at it -10-.
on Down Drown by LintyWeenis
12 Sep 2004, 10:17 AM
So many ways to interpret this. I can't help feeling it's a "mea cupla" in the christian sense of giving your screwed up life to god (If I didn't have this suspicion it would be a -10-.If it's about something real like a m/f relationship, it gets an extra point. For now -9-.
on chunks by FreeFormFixation
12 Sep 2004, 10:25 AM
Don't know why I like it. Evocative?
on Grandpa's boat by Caducus
12 Sep 2004, 1:24 PM
Yeah!
on Run Material Girl by singinkygal
13 Sep 2004, 8:41 AM
Almost perfect.
on Band Ten Hut by LintyWeenis
13 Sep 2004, 11:53 PM
I can't blow horn worth a damn but I understand 'cause I play harp in a blues band.
on Keep Your Mouth Shut and Your Gun Loaded by wilco
13 Sep 2004, 11:56 PM
Just knock up a neighbor's daughter. You'll be paying for that mistake the rest of your life.
on Your Embrace by Brandy_n_Cali
14 Sep 2004, 12:11 AM
Shouldn't "the clench of my hand" be " I clench his hard gland?"
on take it easy by skaskowski
14 Sep 2004, 12:13 AM
Cute.
on some deleted poem
15 Sep 2004, 9:29 PM
Sooooooooooo close. Reconsider the last for lines, please?
on Flying things by INTRANSIT
27 Sep 2004, 7:01 AM
Is the last line- "The red wheelbarrow" is a poem by William Carlos Williams- part of the poem? I think the poem makes more sense without it.
on Many Thanks by Dovina
1 Oct 2004, 8:07 AM
It makes sense if you're referring to back then. I thought you were referring to now.
on some deleted poem
5 Oct 2004, 7:23 PM
A pimple written to god-Jesus H...