on ~YOUR TURN~ by Brandy_n_Cali
1 Sep 2004, 7:49 AM
A little too much piss or not enough vinegar, naybe some vodka would help.
on Down With Ingenuity by Dovina
30 Aug 2004, 10:38 PM
You get my vote.
on St. Patrickâs Cathedral by Dovina
28 Aug 2004, 8:17 AM
The answer to the question your poem asks is not in churches it is true. It's not in the sky nor in the forests either. Maybe it's in RLS's Requiem "Home is the sailor, home from the sea, And the hunter home from the hill." Or Donne's(?)" Glad did I live/And gladly die/And I lay myself down with a will." Good thought-provoking poem. One point better than your personal average. -10-
on Penumbra by klosterfobik
24 Aug 2004, 7:43 PM
All us stoke victims know all about the Penumbra. -9-
on A Piñon Planter by Dovina
24 Aug 2004, 7:40 PM
I printed this poem out and went to the restroom to read it. As it came to it's climax, my nut-filled bowl came to its own. Oh was that bowel? Nuts! Good. No, really! -10- Now I'll go back to wipe.
on Easier To Say Good-bye by Brandy_n_Cali
22 Aug 2004, 10:37 AM
Innocent insight.
on some deleted poem
22 Aug 2004, 10:32 AM
The allusions are all very effective and affective.-10-
on A Stitch In Time by Dovina
21 Aug 2004, 7:54 PM
Great last four lines (along with all the rest).
A morning love Into an afternoon love,
("Into one from this afternoon"? Too much love in this poem for my taste.)-10- Anyway it's good without my meddling.
A morning love Into an afternoon love,
("Into one from this afternoon"? Too much love in this poem for my taste.)-10- Anyway it's good without my meddling.
on Dads are suppose to stay by Brandy_n_Cali
22 Aug 2004, 10:45 AM
This is what I expect my kids will feel when I die. It's bearable, compared to having to live with their mother.
on Q For Some Reason by MacFrantic
18 Aug 2004, 4:20 AM
Xanax, Prozac, Zoloft are all little Dutch boys with their fingers in the dyke. The dyke is Swiss cheese. The water is full of hungry mice and we are all living on the edge of Disneyland. Know a good pharmacist?
on Rapid Eye Movement by wilco
24 Aug 2004, 7:56 PM
Nothing makes the night seem lonely "like" the soft fluttering in her shuttered eyes. This structure seems awkward to me. I know that "Nothing says lovin' like something from the oven and Pillsbury says it best" but, perhaps, a more direct approach to say this important thing? "The night is made more lonely by the soft, etc." You are the creator. Let not my will but yours be done. Even with the slightly uncomfortable second coming (stanza), it is very evocative of 13 years of nights spent with my ex-wife. -10-
on One Perfect Moment by Leah11
2 Sep 2004, 8:35 AM
Works for me at this perfect moment.-10-
'Creep in to her in the night"
Into her room or back to the uterus?
"And settle for knowing she knows" possibly
"And settle for knowing she knows more."
Does this change what you are saying or make it clearer? -8- maybe a -10- if I were not confused by those two lines.
Into her room or back to the uterus?
"And settle for knowing she knows" possibly
"And settle for knowing she knows more."
Does this change what you are saying or make it clearer? -8- maybe a -10- if I were not confused by those two lines.
on Into My World by sliver
6 Sep 2004, 9:38 AM
Good poem about your feelings toward Renee. Last verse really says it.
on Edges by Blue Magpie
6 Sep 2004, 9:50 AM
Well thought-out and competently written. -8-
e
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Amen. Nice construct.