on some deleted poem
14 Jun 2004, 8:47 AM
Emile Heskey?
on The Ocean Prefers A Sunset by wilco
12 Jun 2004, 3:03 PM
Would echo than dancing is redundant (getting rid of it brings out the alliteration of 'waltzes with' better too).
Listless sand - nope, you need to show what the sand is doing to make you think it is listless.
Last verse; death, birth, yearn, beautiful, smile are a touch unimaginative.
Good though, well written.
Listless sand - nope, you need to show what the sand is doing to make you think it is listless.
Last verse; death, birth, yearn, beautiful, smile are a touch unimaginative.
Good though, well written.
on setting the record straight on April by poetandknowit
9 May 2004, 3:47 AM
Why did babbit11 only give you an -8-. If I was babbit11 I would give Po etandknowit a -10- every time.
on some deleted poem
9 May 2004, 3:56 AM
See, told you it was a bad idea my elf-like friend.
on Wedding Day by Caducus
9 Jun 2004, 3:18 PM
It is not enough to call the wind arrogant, its actions should portray such, then there would be no need for the word.
Same goes for 'fragrant' (what smell is fragrant), 'desperate' 'hopeless' and 'exuding wry misery'.
I am growing fond of the polite 'english' voice in poetry. Fallen portico/ ironed silk give the poem a charm certainly.
Same goes for 'fragrant' (what smell is fragrant), 'desperate' 'hopeless' and 'exuding wry misery'.
I am growing fond of the polite 'english' voice in poetry. Fallen portico/ ironed silk give the poem a charm certainly.
on New lover confirms poetic divorce by fevriere
9 Jun 2004, 3:20 PM
This haiku seems to suggest in happier times you could rhyme blue eyes with sea.
on collars i have worn--exhibit 3 by Patsy
11 May 2004, 5:40 AM
Quite like it, although it does seem to hanker after a garden that is in a pond!
on Bodies Bore Like I Do Too by fevriere
11 May 2004, 7:06 AM
Sex is a butterfly but a butterfly does not buzz
and a buzz does not flow
nor does it flood.
and a buzz does not flow
nor does it flood.
on ...So We Stayed In The Water by Fear of Garbage
11 May 2004, 11:56 AM
It was all going swimmingly until the end of the first verse, then it became a bit incoherent.
N.B. 'The pool has' not the pool's possessive.
N.B. 'The pool has' not the pool's possessive.
on some deleted poem
12 May 2004, 8:40 AM
Never sure about poems that extend a metaphor by using buzzwords from a given topic-- fallout/ nucl;ear winter/ split the atom/ radioactive.
The best part is verse 1 although it seems to be a better kick in the teeth end rathere than start. At the start of the poem one does not really understand what you are referring to (unless you have a really long title).
The best part is verse 1 although it seems to be a better kick in the teeth end rathere than start. At the start of the poem one does not really understand what you are referring to (unless you have a really long title).
on Washing-up Hands and Disgruntled Underarms by fevriere
15 May 2004, 6:02 AM
very good, nice use of language, I think that is important.
Not sure about 'milky' as a sentence in its own right. Sounds like some mad persons catchphrase.
Not sure about 'milky' as a sentence in its own right. Sounds like some mad persons catchphrase.
on At the door by fufuberry
15 May 2004, 6:03 AM
believe the packed bags, they are a fair hint.
on some deleted poem
15 May 2004, 6:06 AM
does she drop hints and aboriginals into an abyss? Or is a sentence inversion happening.
on some deleted poem
7 Jun 2004, 2:27 PM
Cute, at first I thought this was about dialects. English speaking russians calling a window (windauge/ vindoge) and Irish speakers call window (windeye/windaeeii).
Then I realised wineye is the literal interpretation of the german (I'm guessing german (the language of much of Austria)) window.
So in fact eye = wind x eye to (soul).
Like the title too, there must be loads of these instances.
Then I realised wineye is the literal interpretation of the german (I'm guessing german (the language of much of Austria)) window.
So in fact eye = wind x eye to (soul).
Like the title too, there must be loads of these instances.
on USS Pride by DR Limerick
7 Jun 2004, 2:38 PM
Always use multiple exclamation marks, that way the words don't have to do the work. Ace idea
on and the world evolves by peaceseeker
17 May 2004, 11:19 AM
Not so much to grab onto, a lot of abstracts. Like how it begins.
on Swan on Willow Lake by Caducus
17 May 2004, 11:22 AM
I think this is how a haiku should be written. The first image and then a different image (the blackbirds) linked to the first.
Would leave out jealous though. Haikus are about imagery more than most other forms. Image without need for explanation.
Would leave out jealous though. Haikus are about imagery more than most other forms. Image without need for explanation.
on some deleted poem
18 May 2004, 1:33 PM
Not sure, maybe the surprise should come as the last line.
In terms of the poem (not the form) the last two lines are kind of redundant.
In terms of the poem (not the form) the last two lines are kind of redundant.
on LOVE-ABOVE LISTE by Everyone
18 May 2004, 1:37 PM
You have perfected the art of appearing both irreverent and smug. Well done.