on some deleted poem
23 Dec 2003, 7:50 AM
you need to at least give a clue as to why you will know whether you have won or lost (what?) until your life is through.
on Friday afternoon Zoo by INTRANSIT
23 Dec 2003, 7:54 AM
This could be a commentary from either side of the cage. (I'm guessing the spectators)
on Words: lost in translation by fair12
23 Dec 2003, 7:56 AM
very good, line breaks and fresh images on every line. My favourite is 'as a lake in a thimble'
on some deleted poem
23 Dec 2003, 8:06 AM
The rhythm is too disrupted, too many words repeated, the third verse conclusion doesn't track with the argument.
The first two verses at least got my interest though, as though they were going to say something.
The first two verses at least got my interest though, as though they were going to say something.
on some deleted poem
23 Dec 2003, 8:09 AM
Is this true, or did you use your imagination?
on TRUTH by somemorepoetry
23 Dec 2003, 8:12 AM
FALSEHOOD
cute idea though, whimsical.
cute idea though, whimsical.
on Little Bird by Blindpoetry
23 Dec 2003, 8:15 AM
(a)bsurd.
Quite good, the bit about loving the bird at the end is daft. The selfishness to keep the bird for yourself, saying the outside world is worse, praising captivity is rather well written.
Quite good, the bit about loving the bird at the end is daft. The selfishness to keep the bird for yourself, saying the outside world is worse, praising captivity is rather well written.
on You Give Me Love by Free2Rhyme15
23 Dec 2003, 8:18 AM
and how she gives love!
on her treasure by amber1028
23 Dec 2003, 8:20 AM
rather sweet, could do with a couple of original images to grab the reader.
on some deleted poem
27 Dec 2003, 3:37 PM
Old ground but nevertheless a well textured poem, reads well, mature style I think. One of your best.
on Live for Die for by firestorm998
27 Dec 2003, 3:39 PM
You could at least have made an effort.
on some deleted poem
27 Dec 2003, 3:42 PM
A bit sparse, but I like its balladesque style, rushes through nicely.
on Lenola prays with a stiletto by SupremeDreamer
27 Dec 2003, 3:54 PM
Liberal use of religious language gives this a certain place.
But the stabbing the priest bit, yes it is extreme but why did it happen? The mood seems resigned rather than violent up until then. And why 'husbands stilletos'
But the stabbing the priest bit, yes it is extreme but why did it happen? The mood seems resigned rather than violent up until then. And why 'husbands stilletos'
on dipsipglish by Crakyamuni
27 Dec 2003, 3:56 PM
A joke at the expense of rap language?
the first line is the best I think, funny
the first line is the best I think, funny
on Love Is In The Air by Blindpoetry
27 Dec 2003, 3:58 PM
Can it [love] be blue?
Well yes, on film it can. Having said that love in this situation can be rather euphemistic.
Well yes, on film it can. Having said that love in this situation can be rather euphemistic.
on some deleted poem
27 Dec 2003, 4:00 PM
did a schizophrenic write this?
on Is this life real? by singinkygal
28 Dec 2003, 12:05 PM
The end is a bit trite: 'of course it is real (or so it seems)' is not going to add to centuries of debate about human existence.
Is this life real sounds like some innanity from a j-lo song too.
Aside from this though, I certainly like the fluid phrasing.
Is this life real sounds like some innanity from a j-lo song too.
Aside from this though, I certainly like the fluid phrasing.
on I cant stand you by sk8rs_rule_all
29 Dec 2003, 9:24 AM
Rather a round about way to say you hate someone for smothering you.
Anyway, I'm on dylans side.
Also read your 'about page': 'if I write poetry as bad as I skateboard I will end up with a broken arm' (something like that.
Classic nonsense, ace, spike milligan would've been proud.
Anyway, I'm on dylans side.
Also read your 'about page': 'if I write poetry as bad as I skateboard I will end up with a broken arm' (something like that.
Classic nonsense, ace, spike milligan would've been proud.
on some deleted poem
29 Dec 2003, 9:25 AM
Well I laughed.