on some deleted poem
3 Aug 2003, 1:28 PM
'i not ready to hear' are you foreign. And I have met michael douglas and he didn't smell of piss
on some deleted poem
3 Aug 2003, 1:30 PM
Nice haiku, like the title
on some deleted poem
5 Aug 2003, 12:50 PM
a kind of pass note poetry,
on Phantom Space Adventure by SupremeDreamer
5 Aug 2003, 8:15 AM
ghosts do not have skin,
other than that enjoyable enough, ending on a rhyming couplet is quite nice. Although again your 'prison of rage' belongs more in a pimple poem
other than that enjoyable enough, ending on a rhyming couplet is quite nice. Although again your 'prison of rage' belongs more in a pimple poem
on A parking lot, a smoke, and the pleasure of being alone by thepinkbunnyofdoom
5 Aug 2003, 7:58 AM
better when read as a pice of prose. The ending is not snappy enough though
on Palm Field Park by SupremeDreamer
5 Aug 2003, 8:12 AM
most of the first two verses are not needed. This works for me as the parable of a child alone.
And your 'empty youth' sounds a little adolescent indulgent
And your 'empty youth' sounds a little adolescent indulgent
on I wanna die by scitz
5 Aug 2003, 7:55 AM
I guess making it a pimple lets you get away with the childish indulgence.
Good, but only because you don't mean it
Good, but only because you don't mean it
on some deleted poem
5 Aug 2003, 8:07 AM
if you meant her sweaty embrace, it was the best part of the poem
on some deleted poem
5 Aug 2003, 5:52 AM
the 'so' in the third couplet refers to answering so (in the affirmative).
Anyone making suggestions could say which lines I could leave out.
thanks
Anyone making suggestions could say which lines I could leave out.
thanks
on A Dreamers Cookery: Cosmic Gardener [edited] by SupremeDreamer
3 Aug 2003, 11:51 AM
very ambitious.
Last five verses are the best, they could stand as a poem in their own right.
Logic impecable.
First verse is good, nice images.
Not sure about 2 and three.
perhaps a little more subtelty
Last five verses are the best, they could stand as a poem in their own right.
Logic impecable.
First verse is good, nice images.
Not sure about 2 and three.
perhaps a little more subtelty
on Grampa Morris by http://bandgeek
3 Aug 2003, 11:41 AM
fourth stanza you start talking to someone but it is not obvious who. It breaks the flow.
I get the feeling you are making this up too, a bit contrived.
Other than that nice language selection and all
I get the feeling you are making this up too, a bit contrived.
Other than that nice language selection and all
on I Can See the Sunset in Her Eyes by justjay
3 Aug 2003, 11:43 AM
Pleasant,
on In Gold Leaf by bearhead
3 Aug 2003, 11:23 AM
'one must tithe the soul' I'm sure I'd agree if I knew what it meant.
Quite a lot packed in here, quite machiavellian in intent.
Not sure the poem justifies its conclusions fully though.
Quite a lot packed in here, quite machiavellian in intent.
Not sure the poem justifies its conclusions fully though.
on A Reporters Saturday Headline Review by Don-Quixote
3 Aug 2003, 11:31 AM
Not sure why god is masquerading as a prostitute.
I guess the final line is about how politicians are glad they are off the front page, or even glad that the virtues they have to live up to are now less.
Anyway like the language employed, and the aggression/irreverence
I guess the final line is about how politicians are glad they are off the front page, or even glad that the virtues they have to live up to are now less.
Anyway like the language employed, and the aggression/irreverence
on A Circle Starts with C by rusty
3 Aug 2003, 11:37 AM
This poem is nonsense, good parts but doesn't seem to lead anywhere.
And usually when people talk about masturbation on here, they have run out of ideas and just want to finish the poem with the first thing that comes into their computer geek head
other than that OK
And usually when people talk about masturbation on here, they have run out of ideas and just want to finish the poem with the first thing that comes into their computer geek head
other than that OK
on I, criminal by INTRANSIT
31 Jul 2003, 9:10 AM
oh I get it you are in jail. Cool idea
I know you wanted a change of scene but this is ridiculous
I know you wanted a change of scene but this is ridiculous
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 7:27 AM
Read TS eliot/ezra pound/tedhughes/sylvia plath.
There is no doubt these are great poets. And you probably think they talk shit that makes no sense too.
As you get older you will understand them better, and it will help you with your own writing.
I started out like you stringing together cliches that rhymed and people slagged me off too. But things get better in time and you get better in time.
Beauty to me sounded like a poem without an authentic voice. If you write for yourself you will find your poems become more original and noteworthy.
There is no doubt these are great poets. And you probably think they talk shit that makes no sense too.
As you get older you will understand them better, and it will help you with your own writing.
I started out like you stringing together cliches that rhymed and people slagged me off too. But things get better in time and you get better in time.
Beauty to me sounded like a poem without an authentic voice. If you write for yourself you will find your poems become more original and noteworthy.
on Your Great by scitz
31 Jul 2003, 9:14 AM
Get it!
I'm getting quite a lot today
I'm getting quite a lot today
on Are You Experienced? by EAger to Offend
5 Aug 2003, 8:22 AM
nice raw images, I like unharnessed elevator