on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 7:01 AM
Am i good enough repetition makes it sound like a prayer.
Interesting.......
Interesting.......
on some deleted poem
29 Jul 2003, 11:30 PM
Nice poetic language, seen it before though
on Too obvious by INTRANSIT
29 Jul 2003, 11:32 PM
get ride of plight it looks forced
other than that a fun poem
other than that a fun poem
on I sat for an hour to watch a spider by Jimbo
29 Jul 2003, 11:35 PM
staring at a spider you saw a spide rin front of you, who would of thought.
Other than that well put
Other than that well put
on The Missing Love by loveisendless
29 Jul 2003, 11:36 PM
Doesn't fit together well.
It would be better without the capitalised onwards
It would be better without the capitalised onwards
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 6:59 AM
No this would be a shame to be anyones suicide note.
It seems to lack feeling
It seems to lack feeling
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 7:10 AM
first six lines are rather nice
'i know we are not in elementary school anymore' just sounds a bit pervy to me though
nice to put a guitar in the poem
meteors and shooting stars less so
'i know we are not in elementary school anymore' just sounds a bit pervy to me though
nice to put a guitar in the poem
meteors and shooting stars less so
on The Longest Wait (Revised) by Caducus
30 Jul 2003, 8:48 AM
first seven and last five lines are a bit ungamely
the rest is fine
the rest is fine
on After seven days in the sun by <~>
29 Jul 2003, 9:13 AM
very skillful to manage a vilanelle with the lines 'Nathalie, riding, found the boy, dead' and 'The coyote, startled, had run on ahead.'
on Long Journey by libby_28
29 Jul 2003, 8:58 AM
a bit prosaic and cliched.
'Blood on the pavement my mind elsewhere' I like though distant and irreverent
'Blood on the pavement my mind elsewhere' I like though distant and irreverent
on How it should have happened by INTRANSIT
29 Jul 2003, 8:56 AM
Lots of good lines here, in fact there isn't a line that deviates from the mature style. Unfortunately I think the poem lacks a logic running through it. If there is a logic and at the end you can reveal it, it would make a very good poem
I'll give you an -8- because there is a lot to recommend this
I'll give you an -8- because there is a lot to recommend this
on Some die waiting, or laugh forgetting by Shardik
29 Jul 2003, 9:03 AM
'Six years passed by, and so did my fever' is such a good line but it does not fit, shame.
the ever/forever/whereever rhymes shouldn't really work. But this poem reads so well
the ever/forever/whereever rhymes shouldn't really work. But this poem reads so well
on A Simple Emote. by thepinkbunnyofdoom
29 Jul 2003, 9:08 AM
Nice but does the poem have a purpose/ a meaning
on Infection by nocturnalism
29 Jul 2003, 9:11 AM
I like the first three lines, kind of nonsense poem come dialect poem.
the fourth line upsets the rhythm though.
Nice to see a heavy metal fan not use politicised and loaded terms and build something out of simple language
the fourth line upsets the rhythm though.
Nice to see a heavy metal fan not use politicised and loaded terms and build something out of simple language
on some deleted poem
29 Jul 2003, 9:16 AM
nice idea well executed.
Can't agree about seaweed having to have its existence permitted though
Can't agree about seaweed having to have its existence permitted though
on Broken Hearted by thepinkbunnyofdooom
29 Jul 2003, 9:25 AM
So you are not the real PBOD, PBOD is just a kind of puppet you use. A gay puppet, you are not gay the puppet is. Right I think I get it now.
on Gods Musician: Grave Digger by SupremeDreamer
29 Jul 2003, 9:23 AM
some nice lines, a bit schizophrenic skipping from one line to the next without reference to any central theme.
the simple rhyming is not really needed the structure is good as it is
the simple rhyming is not really needed the structure is good as it is
on Octopussed by <{Baba^Yaga}>
29 Jul 2003, 9:18 AM
smart, well sewn
Shame because I quite like the content.