Comments byricha, 841–860 back. Include replies

on far but close by KagatoSan 21 Jul 2003, 6:37 AM
A little lacking but reads well and the final three lines closes it well
on Us by sk8rs_rule_all 28 Jul 2003, 12:36 PM
not a haiku, last line was funny though
on A Fine Day To Exit by OnTheOtherHand 24 Jul 2003, 11:58 AM
I like 'apathy beats suicide/doesn't make it brave'

not sure I agree with ' no point in dying/if you won't be missed' though
on some deleted poem 24 Jul 2003, 12:03 PM
Too true, still EMI rejected the sex pistols and Decca the beatles
on Tomorrow by jude 23 Jul 2003, 12:43 PM
part and heart / fade and remain are always rhymed together. There is nothing remotely new here.

the way the poem swings at the end with altered rhyme is quite nice though
on some deleted poem 23 Jul 2003, 12:45 PM
'The earth is wisely dumb.
A poor deaf girl, dancing amongst ruins.' is excellent
on some deleted poem 24 Jul 2003, 12:06 PM
Mulberry fair(y) I guess was the inspiration. I have seen this type of thing done before and this one is not at all bad
on some deleted poem 24 Jul 2003, 12:10 PM
abnormal, retarded verses
of one whole incomplete point... amused me, could stand as a poem in itself
on The Frey by Southern_Bell 24 Jul 2003, 11:42 PM
quite sweet, I like the flow

some of the rhymes seem a bit forced though
on Middleman by INTRANSIT 22 Jul 2003, 3:25 PM
1) no need to repeat tells stories of twice

2) keep the line running through about dirty feet

3) and the line about fields of sage and hips

4) the rest could be altered if you find a decent image or word sequence
on A Delicate Poem by EAger to Offend 22 Jul 2003, 10:53 AM
quite good, but poems about poems signal a lack of inspiration
on Read this by Southern_Bell 24 Jul 2003, 11:40 PM
If you are going to use the same rhyme sound for every line you should probably not repeat words night and sight. The words are a bit simple too.

Check out 'I am the gayest' i think by Dark angel for an example of this form (in best list)
on Middleman by INTRANSIT 22 Jul 2003, 8:11 AM
good, nice use of language and the poem finishes strongly
on A Dream, A Bad One by jessicazee 22 Jul 2003, 8:16 AM
Not very poetic and a bit list like.

Having said that this is not bad, afew surprises like 'cinnamon and lemons'
on some deleted poem 22 Jul 2003, 9:00 AM
best rhyming I've seen for a while.

Keeps the humour too despite being a little angry
on some deleted poem 21 Jul 2003, 8:31 AM
well put together, nice observations. (Like how scalding on the hot metal sends the kids attention toward the graveyard)

But is this supposed to be a scene, or are the last two verses relevant to the kid watching the mourners?
on The Path Untrodden by Terence 21 Jul 2003, 6:40 AM
quite good, plenty of varied language and very lyrical
on waiting in my own way by rockinindividual 21 Jul 2003, 3:08 PM
cute first part but you seem to try too hard to ram the point home
on Yellow Star by Mr Pig 21 Jul 2003, 4:02 PM
varied use of language as ever, and the allusions to religeous persecution vis a vis the cutting of hair is succinctly put. So much so the nazi and jew bits are almost not needed
on some deleted poem 24 Jul 2003, 12:07 PM
poetic apology