on 1 by Crakyamuni
15 Jul 2003, 11:44 AM
works well as graffiti. Enigmatic in any given context
on My Angel of Darkness by goddessbyfire
19 Jul 2003, 3:25 AM
Like this poem, not much to grab onto in the way of context but nice images and no obvious holes in it
on Summer Rain by DJCARTER
19 Jul 2003, 6:02 AM
like the structure in the first three lines leading to the mind rhyme.
A lot of this is too self absorbed though, I am not drawn into it
A lot of this is too self absorbed though, I am not drawn into it
on some deleted poem
19 Jul 2003, 3:23 AM
Nice build up, and I did understand it perfectly. The unmasking reminds me of grease 2 but what was the context of the unmasking?
on Bloody Night by Ted Bundy
20 Jul 2003, 11:55 AM
just seems like a list of fucked up things to do
maybe needs tightening to give the words their full power.
maybe needs tightening to give the words their full power.
on hermetic by Bill Z Bub
21 Jul 2003, 6:35 AM
a bit odd, the first verse build up is well but it seems to move too fast to the end.
still original use of language sets it apart
still original use of language sets it apart
on Let's Not Forget by Artemis745
20 Jul 2003, 12:02 PM
I think you are trying too hard to rhyme. You need to be more graphic and more specific in terms you use. We know what humans do to other animals but point out hypocrisies, use metaphor etc
on Seduce Like Zeus by EAger to Offend
20 Jul 2003, 12:05 PM
a thought too late and too soon ?
on I've lost my poetic edge by thepinkbunnyofdoom
20 Jul 2003, 12:08 PM
I have no creative thoughts at the moment so I shall write a poem about it!
unless this is a creative thought
anyway a bit too smart/postmodern/ for me
unless this is a creative thought
anyway a bit too smart/postmodern/ for me
on some deleted poem
19 Jul 2003, 6:08 AM
If you are rewriting I suggest you get it clear what this is about some of the verses seem not to hang together.
'Splatter, the sound resounding
Painfully, into the ear'
I would keep a good rhyme
Tearing away at my heart
Skin by skin, I am the onion
is good too kind of wreckless and emotionally raw.
Needs more of a place I think. What are these greens turning brown etc
some good parts, notworthy
'Splatter, the sound resounding
Painfully, into the ear'
I would keep a good rhyme
Tearing away at my heart
Skin by skin, I am the onion
is good too kind of wreckless and emotionally raw.
Needs more of a place I think. What are these greens turning brown etc
some good parts, notworthy
on Death Wish by Kitch
19 Jul 2003, 6:10 AM
a little bit distant for a suicide poem, also you probably shouldn't rhyme so loudly on such a serious issue
on rainday by Bill Z Bub
17 Jul 2003, 10:26 AM
I quite like all the daft words you use. It could almost be a nonsense poem or a surreal poem. Bloombrellas is my favourite
on Border towns & the runs by horus8
17 Jul 2003, 10:28 AM
like hostile as a car bomb and the use of line breaks (prostitutes that pull/)
fourth verse is like an eminem lyric, funny
fourth verse is like an eminem lyric, funny
on Pretzel by daryash-koh
17 Jul 2003, 10:38 AM
needs a bit of insight/ something new to say to compliment the imagery. Like the pretzel bit though nice to have a joke that becomes obvious when it is told
on beyond sences by calilegzzz
17 Jul 2003, 10:05 AM
pardon, where are you anyway
on Aluminum Xena - Prima Ballerina by SupremeDreamer
17 Jul 2003, 10:23 AM
sweet images in the first verse well fitted together.
not sure about the direction it took in the second verse. But I like poems that introduce themselves before later revealing the plot
not sure about the direction it took in the second verse. But I like poems that introduce themselves before later revealing the plot
on Next Century by Birdpia
17 Jul 2003, 10:31 AM
who will write a love poem like this in the next century. A few million I would have thought!
Some good points through I like the abrupt end to the first verse and second
Some good points through I like the abrupt end to the first verse and second
on Train Suicide by snjofridur1
17 Jul 2003, 10:35 AM
a thought is never heard? how do you access your own thoughts then? Does it become apparent only when you open your mouth?
I do like the flow of this the last line spoils it though, a bit too pretentious
I do like the flow of this the last line spoils it though, a bit too pretentious
on some deleted poem
15 Jul 2003, 8:43 AM
right I am never nasty to anyone but you are one of the highest rated on this site and you start this poem:
Do you need a guy you can rely on
or just a shoulder to cry on?
its like everything I work for is meaningless and good poetry is all about assinine rhymes (irony) and dull cliches
I'm not ranking this, I just don't understand
Do you need a guy you can rely on
or just a shoulder to cry on?
its like everything I work for is meaningless and good poetry is all about assinine rhymes (irony) and dull cliches
I'm not ranking this, I just don't understand