on EARTH Inc. Memo: by SP REYNOLDS
12 Aug 2003, 8:43 AM
pretty enjoyable read
Would certainly go down well at a rally
Would certainly go down well at a rally
on The Belgian Bookworm [revised] by DreamerSupreme
7 Aug 2003, 6:41 AM
good, if you wanted to redraft it I would suggest making it a bit tighter. There are lots of nice images but there are gaps in between.
on Padre's Gumbo by SupremeDreamer
14 Aug 2003, 5:34 AM
good poem, all the images link in so well
and your signature food metaphor
and your signature food metaphor
on some deleted poem
14 Aug 2003, 5:35 AM
get rid of the last two lines, it is an ill thought out cliche.
A retard is someone with retarded development relative to average. The bell curve shows that 98 percent of people fall within 1 sd either side of average on most measures of mental proficiency.
and all the questions you ask are a little too blatent.
It should be the reader asking themselves these questions not you having to explicitly tell them.
Other than that a rather good poem
A retard is someone with retarded development relative to average. The bell curve shows that 98 percent of people fall within 1 sd either side of average on most measures of mental proficiency.
and all the questions you ask are a little too blatent.
It should be the reader asking themselves these questions not you having to explicitly tell them.
Other than that a rather good poem
on The Lordy only knows why tornados have no nose by Bachus
14 Aug 2003, 6:50 AM
put the title after the poem and it sounds like the dialogue of a schizophrenic, which is worthy in itself.
mullberryfairy: 'why would anybody want two games of twister?'
'exactly!' -8-
mullberryfairy: 'why would anybody want two games of twister?'
'exactly!' -8-
on one day, one moment by crwncka1
12 Aug 2003, 8:50 AM
A bit prosaic and lacking.
I like the idea of fog as burning away (like smoke).
Unless you are about to delve deep into philosophy I would leave 'the only thing real' well alone because it just sounds cliched.
I like the idea of fog as burning away (like smoke).
Unless you are about to delve deep into philosophy I would leave 'the only thing real' well alone because it just sounds cliched.
on American Hiker by Garrett S Sexton
12 Aug 2003, 8:51 AM
your writing always speaks of a writer of quality (and laziness)
on (The vinyards of Tuscany) by Patsy
12 Aug 2003, 8:45 AM
Not sure why the title is parenthesized is it because it is somehow incedental.
I like the lively use of language
'victims of a grape' sounds out of place though
I like the lively use of language
'victims of a grape' sounds out of place though
on twilight by geewhiz1962
12 Aug 2003, 8:47 AM
OK at least shows signs of wanting to get to grips with the subject
on some deleted poem
12 Aug 2003, 1:09 PM
this poem to me is everything that is wrong with the world
on Speaking my mind. Brilliant Idea! by thepinkbunnyofdoom
7 Aug 2003, 6:27 AM
first two verses are your best yet
the rest sounds a bit of a lecture though
the rest sounds a bit of a lecture though
on Back to the Fistful of Haiku by HaikuMofo
7 Aug 2003, 6:32 AM
this is sixteen haikus. I think versed haikus are supposed to have some kind of theme running through them.
A good haiku should stand up on its own.
I think the first one does, it is quite good
A good haiku should stand up on its own.
I think the first one does, it is quite good
on Inet. mag. editors R jealous red haired Jews, oh and I'm 29 by horus8
7 Aug 2003, 7:41 AM
good poem and well done for making it so far then!
on some deleted poem
7 Aug 2003, 6:15 AM
like the first verse, if this is a first draft I guess you could shorten it a bit.
Second verse is my favourite, the mention of bulimc in the third I am not sure about.
The last three lines really tail off well
Second verse is my favourite, the mention of bulimc in the third I am not sure about.
The last three lines really tail off well
on Emotion Dawns by Nightmare-Poet
7 Aug 2003, 6:29 AM
I am always amazed at all the sad poems on here that employ nursery rhyme verse.
on blue lilac and I (edit) by richa
7 Aug 2003, 6:11 AM
If anyone wants to make a helpful comment how about making the change of emphasis from I to the lilac in the middle a bit more seemless
thanks.
thanks.
on Definition of Hypocrisy by Retaliate
7 Aug 2003, 6:25 AM
mmm sounds just like england too. As for the poem it sounds a bit like a political speech. And you can not get more hypocritical than them.
good though
good though
on some deleted poem
5 Aug 2003, 12:56 PM
a little self indulgent and trivial for a poem about drug addiction.
Would it be offensive of me to suggest you are not an addict?
Would it be offensive of me to suggest you are not an addict?
I think the abbreviations fit in well with the idea of a pimple