on Jack Frost by Kitch
19 Aug 2003, 7:56 AM
Grim writing, quite liked it
on some deleted poem
19 Aug 2003, 11:39 PM
tenses, tenses
It does all fit together, bear that in mind
It does all fit together, bear that in mind
on some deleted poem
19 Aug 2003, 1:46 PM
under 16years old, inventive.
over 20years old, simpleton
over 20years old, simpleton
on Wolverines, me, and the last American Buffalo. by <{Baba^Yaga}>
21 Aug 2003, 5:14 AM
and what wavelength are you on?
This sounds like some manic persons conversation.
Very inventive
This sounds like some manic persons conversation.
Very inventive
on The Better of the Sea by abecedarian
21 Aug 2003, 5:22 AM
Good this, nice use of language.
The last line was funny, but 'rusting ass'?
well set up
The last line was funny, but 'rusting ass'?
well set up
on some deleted poem
20 Aug 2003, 1:25 PM
I'm not sure who the blue giving me six for all my revisions is. But it is very kind of you to keep coming back.
thanks
thanks
on some deleted poem
21 Aug 2003, 9:59 AM
good this nice original language and follows the metaphor through well.
But 'my bent emotions' not sure about that
But 'my bent emotions' not sure about that
on some deleted poem
20 Aug 2003, 11:47 AM
'Sitting on my bed staring at the ceiling fan
Wondering where all of this shit began'
Wondering where all of this shit began'
on some deleted poem
20 Aug 2003, 11:49 AM
perfectly lucid but lacking a spark
on How A Panhandler Kills by SupremeDreamer
21 Aug 2003, 5:09 AM
Interesting story, well put accross.
Not sure about the know it all tramp though. The bit about the adultress and stuff sounds a little 'dawsons creek.'
And portraying the tramps life as happy and contented I find a bit strange. But the comparison between the two is rather good.
It could just as easily be about the remorse of toyota man thinking what he had compared to the tramp.
anyway good piece
Not sure about the know it all tramp though. The bit about the adultress and stuff sounds a little 'dawsons creek.'
And portraying the tramps life as happy and contented I find a bit strange. But the comparison between the two is rather good.
It could just as easily be about the remorse of toyota man thinking what he had compared to the tramp.
anyway good piece
on A Mod Proposal (of Modest Proportions) by coolassbob
21 Aug 2003, 5:17 AM
quite a packed poem here
not sure about the parentheticals though
not sure about the parentheticals though
on deleted scenes by Bill Z Bub
19 Aug 2003, 7:49 AM
wistful, quite sparse in its language but throws up a few nice phrases 'potato faced bully' is nice
on The Grave (thanks to z) by Mr Pig
19 Aug 2003, 1:44 PM
your word selection always intrigues, 'syntax' and 'appropriate catholicism' are particularly effective in conveying how detached ritual is from death.
on some deleted poem
19 Aug 2003, 6:57 AM
good prose style poetry, meaty.
First verse seems a bit superfluous though, the poem would not lose any power without it I think
First verse seems a bit superfluous though, the poem would not lose any power without it I think
on Starting Over by justjay
19 Aug 2003, 7:46 AM
OK flows kind of well. Well communicated.
Lacking in any real originality though
Lacking in any real originality though
on Breaking the wind (An Odenelle to Pirgaytes) by Bachus
19 Aug 2003, 7:53 AM
'I woke up to the smell of lawn
I wondered why my boots were gorne?'
Is an ace rhyme
other than that you shouldn't rhyme you twice and then with poo. I guess you got bored.
I wondered why my boots were gorne?'
Is an ace rhyme
other than that you shouldn't rhyme you twice and then with poo. I guess you got bored.
on whilst the bells ring by richa
14 Aug 2003, 7:11 AM
an old one of mine, I just deleted the last verse and changed a single line for housekeeping purposes
on some deleted poem
19 Aug 2003, 7:11 AM
the images are good so too the wordplay.
But the crux of the poem linking swallowed tongue with swallowed words/promise/hidden depths doesn't really convince me.
Good though
But the crux of the poem linking swallowed tongue with swallowed words/promise/hidden depths doesn't really convince me.
Good though
on some deleted poem
19 Aug 2003, 1:37 PM
call it a pimple and it is a good poem