on My Show at the Whiskey a Go Go on the 26th of August 2003 by Jeremi B. Handrinos
26 Aug 2003, 4:29 AM
an advert disguised as a poem.
Bit like swedens eurovision entry which claimed to be a song, when it was an instrumental with some guy talking at the beginning.
anyway this 'poem' is sweet as pie and dark. I like it.
When you are famous will your name be j handrinos?
Bit like swedens eurovision entry which claimed to be a song, when it was an instrumental with some guy talking at the beginning.
anyway this 'poem' is sweet as pie and dark. I like it.
When you are famous will your name be j handrinos?
on Trollop: A Married Mans Revenge by DreamerSupreme
24 Aug 2003, 4:52 AM
penultimate verse: you were so beautiful....
is when this really gets going. Certainly memorable.
is when this really gets going. Certainly memorable.
on some deleted poem
24 Aug 2003, 3:38 AM
"you need a girlfriend"
is what you said,
"cuz you can't be close
to anybody else"
Is the best part of this, and also the least pimple like
is what you said,
"cuz you can't be close
to anybody else"
Is the best part of this, and also the least pimple like
on Easter Egg Soup by kthay
28 Aug 2003, 1:37 PM
good that you use only the occasional rhyme (hens and friends) better than leading this story with rhyme.
Kind of fun I think, a childrens poem
A well related story
Kind of fun I think, a childrens poem
A well related story
on I'm Back! by wEdible Underpantsw
26 Aug 2003, 4:34 AM
great, another I'm back/ I'm not like you / even though I write poems/ proud to be a redneckl/ I'm not gay/ look I hate gays/ your gay/ aren't I very post modern/ and ironic/ bla bla bla
on Laundry Day by impert&ent
26 Aug 2003, 4:38 AM
unconventional way to use analogy in the first line.
Sets a frivolous tone.
you repeat sheets in the final verse which is unneeded.
The jump to second verse is less than seemless.
other than that ace -8-
Sets a frivolous tone.
you repeat sheets in the final verse which is unneeded.
The jump to second verse is less than seemless.
other than that ace -8-
on Unloving Stranger by sweetiewanie
26 Aug 2003, 9:10 AM
probably should not include thee in a poem just to rhyme.
There is an awful lot to sort through here, and it feels like you could shorten it and strengthen its essence.
the surprise at the end is made good by the reference to heir earlier on (I had presumed it was some rich bloke) and then it clicked.
There is an awful lot to sort through here, and it feels like you could shorten it and strengthen its essence.
the surprise at the end is made good by the reference to heir earlier on (I had presumed it was some rich bloke) and then it clicked.
on some deleted poem
25 Aug 2003, 2:35 PM
intelligent
atheism is open to ridicule like religion
atheism is open to ridicule like religion
on Piano Guitar Passion by Don-Quixote
25 Aug 2003, 3:37 AM
ember twice is a mistake. And does the moon really glow like an ember?
Seems to be a lot going on here, searching the grass/ the revenge/ the piano.
Lots of nice phrases, not sure how it all fits together though
Seems to be a lot going on here, searching the grass/ the revenge/ the piano.
Lots of nice phrases, not sure how it all fits together though
on some deleted poem
24 Aug 2003, 8:34 AM
not so much in the way of originality
but I really like the flow.
but I really like the flow.
on On The Floor of the Hospital by Fear of Garbage
24 Aug 2003, 3:43 AM
imagery is bordering on disturbing.
'On the floor' is a nice touch. Are they actually on the floor uncared for, or a hospital floor.
Not sure I grasp the plant metaphor though.
Maybe it is about a plant? with a brain?
'On the floor' is a nice touch. Are they actually on the floor uncared for, or a hospital floor.
Not sure I grasp the plant metaphor though.
Maybe it is about a plant? with a brain?
on Lizzie Boredom by Bonehiss
24 Aug 2003, 4:45 AM
is this all first draft or just the letting one go part?
liked the ridiculing of the girl admiring a crap piece of art
should be devilled egg. Otherwise it would read de-viled which it certainly was not
liked the ridiculing of the girl admiring a crap piece of art
should be devilled egg. Otherwise it would read de-viled which it certainly was not
on Lizzie Boredom by Bonehiss
24 Aug 2003, 4:45 AM
is this all first draft or just the letting one go part?
liked the ridiculing of the girl admiring a crap piece of art
should be devilled egg. Otherwise it would read de-viled which it certainly was not
liked the ridiculing of the girl admiring a crap piece of art
should be devilled egg. Otherwise it would read de-viled which it certainly was not
on trying to cross the border to Sweetgrass by Patsy
21 Aug 2003, 10:02 AM
Good, quite political I think, but does not descend into a rant because the language is fresh and original.
on summer heat blues by peaceseeker
24 Aug 2003, 4:40 AM
hermaphrodite pickle?
anyway enjoyed this 'night out'
anyway enjoyed this 'night out'
on I'm Back! by wEdible Underpantsw
26 Aug 2003, 4:39 AM
on some deleted poem
24 Aug 2003, 3:47 AM
greek mythology is certainly rich material.
Think this is trying to be a description.
Enjoyable, not many rhymes hephaestus with discus.
Think this is trying to be a description.
Enjoyable, not many rhymes hephaestus with discus.
on some deleted poem
26 Aug 2003, 2:18 PM
not sure about the abruptness of surreal image of the penguin,
but yes
good
but yes
good
Still plenty to get your teeth into