| Re: Goldfish in his little bowl by daniella |
18-May-03/7:25 AM |
you are one of the writers who is not as well known as top ones such as mr pig and zzinnia but your poems stand out from most of the pack.
As for this its use of language is beautiful and as a poem is complete
|
|
|
 |
| Re: The windshield-wiper blues by INTRANSIT |
18-May-03/7:26 AM |
|
i don't think this is a complete fuck up, I quite like the repetition and humour
|
|
|
|
| Re: The windshield-wiper blues by INTRANSIT |
18-May-03/7:26 AM |
|
i don't think this is a complete fuck up, I quite like the repetition and humour
|
|
|
|
| Re: The windshield-wiper blues by INTRANSIT |
18-May-03/7:26 AM |
|
i don't think this is a complete fuck up, I quite like the repetition and humour
|
|
|
|
| Re: Expired (early horus8 before the change) by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
18-May-03/7:28 AM |
some nice lines, I couldn't be bothered reading all of it. Some greek poets took all their life writing poems this long.
Try have more confidence that a few lines will show your ability
|
|
|
|
| Re: The Order Of Things by Mr Pig |
20-May-03/10:11 AM |
Bold as ever, perhaps a little alice in wonderland in its focus on detail and fantasy
Perhaps try making it a bit shorter brevity and wit and all
|
|
|
|
| Re: Tingling by INTRANSIT |
20-May-03/10:15 AM |
yes I agree this is kind of wild and it works well
But I do think the word crimson in poetry should be banned
Other than that good
|
|
|
|
| Re: may 18 by Bill Z Bub |
20-May-03/10:17 AM |
yes i like the structure,
and rhyming fingers and nimbus is genius
well done
|
|
|
|
| Re: The canary's last song by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
23-May-03/10:05 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: Original words (spectacularly stolen) by Bachus |
23-May-03/10:08 AM |
a lot of stuff covered
I quite liked the middle its rhyming sped it up
inspired by subterranian homesick blues?
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-May-03/10:10 AM |
|
quite good, I like the contemporary setting
|
|
|
|
| Re: The punch drunk underwriter by horus8 |
23-May-03/10:13 AM |
always like the vast spectrum of language
Anger and abuse are common this not so
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-May-03/10:15 AM |
Ok, lucid enough but I'm not sure about the first line repetition.
Perhaps try a vilanelle?
|
|
|
|
| Re: Timing by INTRANSIT |
27-May-03/10:16 AM |
yes nice feel and structure
Perhaps not ambitious enough though
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-May-03/10:18 AM |
OK nice and varied use of language,
but difficult to get a grasp on, I am not really drawn in
|
|
|
|
| Re: Fit In by A Simple Poet 123 |
27-May-03/10:20 AM |
simple sentiments, but I read some of your cliches and wonder if you really mean them
dying inside is a bit hyperbolous
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-May-03/10:23 AM |
yes this is good
takes the reader along with the images well
|
|
|
|
| Re: the midget of humiliation by Bill Z Bub |
27-May-03/10:26 AM |
lots of imagery
If i have one criticism it is the careless use of words such as demonic.
I need luring in a bit more
|
|
|
|
| Re: In Swaddling Cloths by Blue Magpie |
27-May-03/10:28 AM |
Nice the bottom two lines first stanza don't really fit into the structure.
You have used obvious rhyme but resisted using obvious in between the rhymes
|
|
|
|
| Re: I shot speed by horus8 |
31-May-03/3:24 AM |
very good
Rap in style and it actually functions as a poem
'chump with your bandana' certainly echoes
|
|
|
|
