on some deleted poem
23 May 2003, 10:10 AM
quite good, I like the contemporary setting
on some deleted poem
27 May 2003, 10:18 AM
OK nice and varied use of language,
but difficult to get a grasp on, I am not really drawn in
but difficult to get a grasp on, I am not really drawn in
on The canary's last song by <{Baba^Yaga}>
23 May 2003, 10:05 AM
cute haiku
on I shot speed by horus8
31 May 2003, 3:24 AM
very good
Rap in style and it actually functions as a poem
'chump with your bandana' certainly echoes
Rap in style and it actually functions as a poem
'chump with your bandana' certainly echoes
on some deleted poem
27 May 2003, 10:15 AM
Ok, lucid enough but I'm not sure about the first line repetition.
Perhaps try a vilanelle?
Perhaps try a vilanelle?
on Fit In by A Simple Poet 123
27 May 2003, 10:20 AM
simple sentiments, but I read some of your cliches and wonder if you really mean them
dying inside is a bit hyperbolous
dying inside is a bit hyperbolous
on some deleted poem
27 May 2003, 10:23 AM
yes this is good
takes the reader along with the images well
takes the reader along with the images well
on the midget of humiliation by Bill Z Bub
27 May 2003, 10:26 AM
lots of imagery
If i have one criticism it is the careless use of words such as demonic.
I need luring in a bit more
If i have one criticism it is the careless use of words such as demonic.
I need luring in a bit more
on In Swaddling Cloths by Blue Magpie
27 May 2003, 10:28 AM
Nice the bottom two lines first stanza don't really fit into the structure.
You have used obvious rhyme but resisted using obvious in between the rhymes
on The punch drunk underwriter by horus8
23 May 2003, 10:13 AM
always like the vast spectrum of language
Anger and abuse are common this not so
Anger and abuse are common this not so
on The Order Of Things by Mr Pig
20 May 2003, 10:11 AM
Bold as ever, perhaps a little alice in wonderland in its focus on detail and fantasy
Perhaps try making it a bit shorter brevity and wit and all
Perhaps try making it a bit shorter brevity and wit and all
on may 18 by Bill Z Bub
20 May 2003, 10:17 AM
yes i like the structure,
and rhyming fingers and nimbus is genius
well done
and rhyming fingers and nimbus is genius
well done
on Goldfish in his little bowl by daniella
18 May 2003, 7:25 AM
you are one of the writers who is not as well known as top ones such as mr pig and zzinnia but your poems stand out from most of the pack.
As for this its use of language is beautiful and as a poem is complete
As for this its use of language is beautiful and as a poem is complete
on The windshield-wiper blues by INTRANSIT
18 May 2003, 7:26 AM
i don't think this is a complete fuck up, I quite like the repetition and humour
on The windshield-wiper blues by INTRANSIT
18 May 2003, 7:26 AM
i don't think this is a complete fuck up, I quite like the repetition and humour
on The windshield-wiper blues by INTRANSIT
18 May 2003, 7:26 AM
i don't think this is a complete fuck up, I quite like the repetition and humour
on Expired (early horus8 before the change) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
18 May 2003, 7:28 AM
some nice lines, I couldn't be bothered reading all of it. Some greek poets took all their life writing poems this long.
Try have more confidence that a few lines will show your ability
Try have more confidence that a few lines will show your ability
on Original words (spectacularly stolen) by Bachus
23 May 2003, 10:08 AM
a lot of stuff covered
I quite liked the middle its rhyming sped it up
inspired by subterranian homesick blues?
I quite liked the middle its rhyming sped it up
inspired by subterranian homesick blues?