| Re: Luekemia Tacosalad by Shardik |
31-May-03/3:26 AM |
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cool, kind of impressionist
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-May-03/3:28 AM |
ok, expresses itself well but I think using more basic elements of language might help it
And the rhymes are so sharp they seem a bit forced
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| Re: The Outcry by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
3-Jun-03/1:07 PM |
A couple of nice lines
reads more like a mission statement than a poem though
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jun-03/1:10 PM |
It is said we saw several entirely new verbal constructions a day
Try putting a few in your writing
please
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| Re: Life begins when you graduate H.S. by INTRANSIT |
3-Jun-03/1:19 PM |
I like rap wordplay but it sometimes seems a bit freestyle and craftless
A haiku however is a good compromise
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| Re: A Moment In Nowhere by Mr Pig |
5-Jun-03/10:42 AM |
'all men are pigs' after she said that did you introduce yourself (as mr pig) ?
very sweet poem as ever, moving in images
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| Re: sharkmouth by Bill Z Bub |
5-Jun-03/10:44 AM |
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I like the structure, very inventive
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| Re: Taliban Ambush by scitz |
5-Jun-03/10:47 AM |
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| Re: wish by daniella |
5-Jun-03/10:50 AM |
interesting set out,
It can be read as a single line,
Very sweet sentiment
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Jun-03/10:18 AM |
Some good stuff in here, i especially like the last verse.
Perhaps needs tightening a bit it becomes a bit prosaic in the middle
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| Re: Break Down by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
6-Jun-03/10:21 AM |
never know how to write song lyrics
This is a good stab
perhaps an incendiary line or too to spice it up?
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| Re: Abortion by horus8 |
6-Jun-03/10:22 AM |
I like it
quite despairing
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| Re: Thracian mountains until the Sea by Shardik |
6-Jun-03/10:25 AM |
zippy piece
I'm glad you get the story across without too many references
It'd just make me feel ignorant
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| Re: Remember-me (an ode to those dropped off at the clinic) by Bachus |
6-Jun-03/10:28 AM |
abortion is in the air today
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Jun-03/10:30 AM |
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menacing use of language!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Jun-03/12:18 PM |
ok insomnia with cicada is a good rhyme
perhaps a few less big words, they tend to be heavily loaded which impedes original communication
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| Re: Snowball by INTRANSIT |
7-Jun-03/12:20 PM |
have you changed this?
I prefer it today
perhaps it is the mirror
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| Re: Secret Identities Revealed by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
7-Jun-03/12:23 PM |
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why the queen mum of england?
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| Re: Secret Identities Revealed by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
8-Jun-03/4:11 AM |
thanks for the reference
i haven't ranked this
i don't think that was the point
(some people obviously do)
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| Re: Oil Spill by scitz |
10-Jun-03/10:30 AM |
ok gets its point across
but stands as a list rather than a poem i think
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