funny and works

Personally it's not that bad. I mean some of the lines don't rhyme which is bad, in my own opinion. But the idea is so unique it tends to overshadow the lack of rhyme, partially at least.

Poem was good. I also like the fact that it was lyric, which I'm noticing is pretty rare on this site. The only critizisim that I have is the title. It's very beneith the poem. But all in all, as I said, it's good.

Personally I have been raised in an atheist family, at least partially atheist. I believe there is a God, but that is the extent of it. I do not go to church and look at Christmas as a social holiday not religious. So, I could find common ground with your poem. What grabbed my attention the most I would have to say was the implementation of biblical symbols into the poem. One negative aspect however is that not all your lines rhymed.

First of all razongrin you should think about going on American Idol; you'd probably dethrone Simon Cowell. As for chicka_babe05 and Feeling, no offense but as Robert Frost once said, "Poetry that doesn't rhyme is like playing tennis without a net." And so you know, your net is barely holding, if at all. My guess is this poem is for someone you like, hopefully male. So I understand that it has to be romantic and all, but don't rhyme words with the same words, and don't use 7 yous or variations of you in a 10 line poem. Poems like these make the listener or reader dumber than he/she already is. The sentimentality is there; but nothing else is there. Try to make it better, put more effort into it. And if you still can't come up with anything better than this, there's always stilling a poem online. Try lovepoems.com. I'm very helpful ain't I? (that's sarcastic in case you couldn't figure it out)-2- sympathy vote. At least you made some attempt and have the sentimentality part down

started strong but diminished after the first 4 lines. Too many commas, although it was intentional I guessing. But the idea is very good in my opinion.