I'll think about it. I won't be doing it tonight though. Thank you for advice that extends beyond "It's boring."

Sometimes I want garlic sometimes I want beans. Some people can't stand beans and others hate garlic. It's all personal taste. You can say that the poem is to plain for you but you cannot deny it standing as a poem.

Ahh... as writers I love many people. Most of them are lyricists. Most of my poetry actually starts in my head as a song and thus it is these people I look to for insperation. Sometimes they use colorful and fancy language. Sometimes they just tell it how it is.

Thank you. Does it work better for you now?

Yes, now that that line is pointed out I see it. I'll fix that.

Who I love and how they write have nothing to do with this poem.

What is wrong with a straight foreward presentation of the way one feels? Lack of metaphor and such do not ban a writing from being a poem.

You called it boring. I was simply apologizing for that. The pronouns how ever are the heart of the poem. They are the three people.

Active as in showing action. Like "Casey At Bat"

A smile is not fitting in a situation such as this. And who are you to define a poem?

So far all I have done is run. That seems to be the source of the guilt and hasn't done her any good either. Perhaps it's time I just end it.

I'm sorry that you feel that way but I didn't intend for this to be an active poem. It is rather simply a description of how the triangle has formed.

To explain the setting of the poem:

The three lovers:
Me - The gay man who once believed himself to be bisexual and thus dated the girl
The girl - An innocent girl who made the mistake of falling in love with a coward who can't give her the closure she needs (that coward being me)
The guy - a third party who seems attracted to the girl and has also caught my eye

The problem: I'm not sure if I'd feel better served by him giving her a distraction from me or by having him to myself. The second isn't really a possibility but the heart doesn't care much for practicality.

Ahh yes.. *Votes* 9.

I love the new ending. Much better. *Applauds or snaps or does whatever it is that he'm supposed to do to show that he likes it*
:)

I can understand the office and the elevator but the last 5 stanzas seem like a misplaced poem to me. I'm not sure what I'm missing but it doesn't fit with the rest for me.