oops ... I meant to say "that last 'line'", not "night" ... you get my drift

No frills, striaght-forward, "rough," if you will. I couldn't pull it off, however you did it amazingly.

A little heavy for my taste, but a definite improvement from your other stuff. One thing that struck me: "a cry for help" sounds a little silly preceded by "wail in torment." You either need somehting equally as forceful there, or nothing at all.

This is good, especially the first 2 stanzas. However, the use of "And then" at the beginning of the 6th stanza lead be to believe that whatever was in the 7th stanza was going to be the pinnacle of the poem, when in fact, I thought it came full circle in the 8th stanza. Maybe changing the order would smoot it out? I could just be missing something though. Overall, quite beautiful.

I don't necessarily agree with your message, hoewever, this is one of the better anti-war pieces I have read from the most current rash of them. So many anti-war poems come off as hypocritical because they sound so hateful and violent themselves, however, you do it with an almost sentimental value. Not bad.

I am reminded of Dawson's Creek and Dashboard Confessional. Blah. But you have a great sense of rhythm and flow ... you just need new subject matter to work with, or perhaps some more imagery?

I liked the simplicity and the flow, which is why your choice of the word "aesthetically" threw off the mood for me a little bit. It sounds long and choppy and sterile compared the the rest of the verse. The middle four line stumble a little over extra syllables, but overall, you created a beautiful picture for me. Here's an 8 for ya.

I have nothing of any signifigance to add, except wow. Of everything I've read today, this really sticks with me. Making a lasting impression with words is a hard thing to do, and you've done it beautifully. Big fat 10.

Something about your word choice makes me conjure up images powerful enough to induce nausea. I mean that as a compliment, of course.

Rough around the edges, but not at all abrasive when read. Runs smoothly. Like it a lot.

Simple, devoid of all angsty feeling. Wonderfully refreshheing after a slew of bitter, cynical, arrogant pity parties that some people try to call "poetry"

Good work, my favorite of what I have read of yours. I like where you put "the phone rings" line, it does a good job of both dividing and connecting your thoughts.

I wrote a paper on Dr. K when I was a frosh in college. HIs image kinda stuck with me too. Nice contrast between the attention getting reference to the Dr. and the oh-so familiar "bright light." Subtly ironic.

A poem that deserves to be overly angsty, and yet you resist. I have a lot of respect for that. I give you extra points just for being real.

"along the bank's weathered jaw" ... that was definitley the clincher. Beautiful imagery.

Not getting an sense og what you're feeling. But, then again, that could just be me. Still love the imagery: balancing lamp on umpacked boxes

Haunting. Reminds me a little of a little of a Third Eye Blind lyric: I couldn't define what you're getting at, but I definitely feel you.

Love this. However, I think the "yearning souls" take you away from your point. Unless I am all wrong, and that is exactly the point you're trying to make, sneaky you :)

This poem was only a 7 or 8 for me until that last night. You really changed the tone with that line. You see your own indulgent angst, and you connect with the reader on that note. I agree, you know exactly wo you are.

Nice play on words/images with the sqaure and triangle